It's a Girl! (part 2)

So to continue my little tirade, the first part can be found here, I was pulled into the O.R. at 1:08pm. Remembering the last time I did all this (this is our second C-Section), I did NOT look were they told me NOT to look. Last time I got to see just how skin deep beauty goes. I was given a Stool, a not all that comfortable one at that, by my wife's head. I told her she was doing great...not sure she understood at that point though as she was pretty drugged up. I got to say, whatever they gave her gave her a really good, "I am soooo stoned", face. 4 Min's later my daughter was born.

OK, before I go on this next rant about all the "retardedness"( yes I know that's not a word) I would like to say that our surgeon was fantastic. As well as the rest of the staff that participated. Everyone was friendly and in good spirits. Most times these people do this so much that it loses its novelty and it just becomes another day. My Wife and I both thought it was a boy so much so, that we hadn't come up with any girl names. Everyone in the O.R. started throwing out name to us. It was a lot of fun and they made it a very memorable time for us.

Alrighty, now that that is out of the way, on to the retard bashing!

We were then moved to post-op for a stay of 2 hours and made all of our phone calls. I called my 5 year old daughter first to tell her that she is now a big sister. inset; mushy mushy, gush gush.

After about 2 1/2 hours we were moved in to our semi-privet room...My Wife didn't want to spend the extra money on a privet room....much to our dismay. The people that shared our room started off to be very nice. That changed.

They had also had a C-Section. They were right before us. The husband/boyfriend was nice guy....to us anyway. All he did was yell at his Wife the whole time. She was told on her 3rd day there, just before they were able to leave, that she could have a shower. I have gone through 2 of these C-Sections, the one thing these girls want is a shower. 5 Min's after she got in there this asshat is banging on the door telling her to "Get the fuck out here and do something", Yeah, wrong time and place fucknut. My wife and I don't want to listen to you. Shut the Fuck up! On top of that they felt it was a great time to blast their rap music...We all know how I feel about loud music in unnecessary places (here). As well as having 12 people in their little space at 11pm. Holy fuck! Visiting hours end at 9pm. Get the fuck out of here!!!! Bitches!

They were told they could leave at 9am on the 29th. Before you can leave though, your nurse has to check you baby car seat. Make sure the little guy/girl is in there properly. It took this Fucknut 3 time to get it right, all the while being a complete asshole to the nurse. Like it was her fault that he's an idiot.

So finally they were off....After this it was nice and quiet...Well as quiet as it can be with a new born baby.

I know, I know, the second part of this isn't as exciting as the first part. But after having the baby you don't really see anything but the baby...

BTW, Our little girl now has a name, Hunter.....Fuck you it's a girls name too!

It's a Girl!

Hello, I'm Dr. Juice. I'm here to take your temperature.

Yes, that is me in my *scrubs*. I think I make a good looking Doctor. Dr. Juice....has a nice ring to it.

Anyway my daughter was born yesterday....She was supposed to be a He, but hey what can I do? To tell the truth, I did tell them to stick her back in to bake a little longer, as the penis wasn't done yet. But here She is. My little bundle of joy.....shit, piss and lets not forget about the drool. She looks just like me! Dark skin, dark hair....Blue eyes though, I know, I know, that could change. I hope not though, they would really make her standout. Not that I want that mind you...I do have a shotgun and DO know how to use it.....Remember that.....Good life note...

She was born at 1:12pm 6'2".

That's her less then 2 Min's after being pulled out. My wife had a C-Section for our first child, due to complications, so they recommend one for your second. So they pulled her out and cried "It's a girl!" Then went to work on removing the umbilical cord (you can see it in the picture) weighed her measured and so on. She cried for about 2 Min's, then they wrapped her up, handed her to me, and She cuddled into my arms and fell asleep. What a Great kid!

HA! I bet you though it was going to be some sappy ass, "Ohh my new daughter is so cute!", kinda shit.

Fuck That! I got some shit to say. And to tell you the truth, I may not be able to cover it all in this one post. Yeah that's right, I got some shit to rant about.

First off, We had to be there for 10am. OK, No problem. We were there ready to go at 9:45am. Waited in a line up of all of 2 people....Fuck they must have been really busy, as we waited for 20 Min's. So finally we get to the admitting station, they take all my wife information, then ask if we would like to pay for the phone now. If we don't pay now it will be billed to us. $2.50 a day + 3 day stay=$7.75. Sure, we'll pay now. Less to worry about later. So I hand her $8.00. "We don't have change.", She says. WTF do you mean, you don't have change? WTF. You want me to pay for something, but you can't make change? WTF is that? Fuck it! Bill me.

So we get sent through the security doors, to talk to the next nurse that will bring us to our pre-op room. It's 10.15 at this point. "Your rooms not ready yet.", the nurse tells us. Are you fucking kidding me? You tell us to "make sure" we are her by 10am and you don't even have a room ready? OK, stay calm.....She tell us to wait in the waiting room at the end of the hall. So we walk down the hall to the end...WTF there are 3 waiting rooms. Well....what room do we wait in? Fuck it ones as good as another.

10:30 rolls around, and we finally get brought to our room, after being told we were in the wrong room...MAYBE you should have told us what fucking room to wait in, you stupid fucking *^%^$$ %^*(*^&% $%^&$ %*& *&&*

OK, I didn't sleep much the night before all this, I may be a little on edge, just a little....BUT, I kept my cool....Sorta

At this point I have to mention all the notices practically on every wall in the hospital about the H1N1 Swine/Pig/Goat/Hamster Flu.

"Cough into your Sleeve or Armpit, Wash your hands, Stop the spread!"

Do people do this?.....NO....People are fucking gross....I would tell you some of the things I saw, but Even I don't want to hear about it.

Anyhow, our pre-op nurse was great, very nice woman....aside from coughing into her HANDS every 2 Min's....Ummm, yeah have you not seen the signs all over the place? Oh, look there's one on that wall there...to your left....Fuck, I don't want my wife back here in 2-3 weeks with that Hamster flu shit.

Our (my wife's) C-Section is scheduled for 12:00 noon. The nurse tell us that things are slow so we should probably get in early, more like 11:30. Hey, that's fantastic! The excitement is killing us! 12:15 they finally come to get us.
"OK, baby time!", we are told. Right on, lets get this show on the road!

They take us down to the O.R. room
"Humm, wheres the O.R. Nurse?", The woman says, and leaves us in the hall waiting.....again.
She returns shortly after with another Nurse, She laughs while telling us, that she forgot that there was another C-Section (there was a couple before us, had a girl too, cute kid.) So the O.R. wasn't prepared at all....

OK, stay calm....Don't lose your cool....Be funny fun loving guy....

They take my wife in so she can talk to them while they are getting the room ready and I am told to wait outside. So I waited....and waited....for a what seemed like for fucking ever! They Finally came to get me almost an hour later...Things started at 12:15, the baby was birthed at 1:12....

About fucking time.

I do have more to say, Trust me. But its now 12:30am and I have to be back at the hospital for 6am to help my wife....if I'm not she'll kill me. So this will be a,

"To Be Cont."

Turn down your fucking music

OK, let's see. I've talked about D.U.M. people (always a favorite subject of mine), Stupid people (yes, there is a difference), my new cat....What else.....Hummmm.....I got it!


Respect

There are way too many fuckers out there that just have no respect at all. I'm talking about the real fucking asshats. Take for instance my neighbors. I live in a townhouse condo. Each house is a big square and each home is a corner of said square. So I share a wall with two of my neighbors. My one neighbor is fantastic. She is a single black mother with 2 kids. Fantastic woman. Very rarely do we hear any sound from them. Never bothersome. Now the fucker that lives behind me is an asshat from hell. Real fucking fucktard. We share our living room wall as well as our master bedroom wall. Now this fucker seems to think that his living room is a Reggie concert hall. It wouldn't be a problem if it was once in a while. Once or twice a month....once or twice a week.....Noooo, This fucker has to play it almost everyday/night! Now anyone who knows Reggie knows that it is full of bass. Lot and lots of bass, and this guy has a good system. Hey, you got a good system crank it, by all means, But for fuck sakes not every day! Not a 6am, WHAT THE FUCK! (yeah, I had to spell out that one!) Come on, what you have no fucking T.V., No fucking head phones. This guys music is so fucking loud, When I'm wearing MY headphones listing to MY music (and I have it at ear bleeding levels) I can hear this Fucknuts music.

Go over say something to this disrespectful idiot, you say? Been there done that. We've called the Cops....Gets turned down 3-6 hours later when the cops finally get there. Not blaming the police at all. I know they have better things to do, *cough*donuts*cough*. They tell me that I have let my condo corp know. So I E-mailed my condo rep. He told me they would send a letter telling him to keep it down.

He did keep it down for about a month, then it slowly started to get louder and louder. What did he think, that we wouldn't notice? Is this guy fucking retarded?

Ever hear of the boiled frog experiment? If you put a frog in boiling water it tries to get out, I sure it dies though! Yeah I know its mean. BUT, if you put the frog in cold water and slowly boil it the frog never moves. It slowly boils to death.

Frog legs anyone?

I am not a frog.

Off goes the 4th, yes 4th letter to our condo people. What do they tell us this time. They will send a letter, BUT, we should get in contact with the police...WTF, last I checked, "NO, loud music, sounds etc.," were in our condo rules. So let me get this straight. I pay almost $200 a month for you to tell me to call the cops.

I don't think there are expletives for me to vent my anger with at this moment


OK, Your telling me that you can't do anything? Fuck that, Fuck you and Fuck this shit. I know you can do something. At the very start of summer my wife and I were doing some much needed spring cleaning. After finding what looked like a failed science experiment in the back of our fridge, we put that particular garbage bag outside our front door. We have a big community garbage bin a few houses down from us. When we were ready to take out all the garbage, it had started to pour. So we decided to wait until the next day to take the 3-4 bags we had. So when I got up the next morning at 6am for work I decided I would be nice to my wife and take it all out myself before I left for work, yeah yeah, I know, I'm a good husband. When taking it out I see we have a letter stuck to our door. It's from our condo corp. It read, "This is your first garbage infraction, your next infraction you will be fined $75." OK, Don't get mad....I am in control of the situation....Count to ten.....alright I understand we all want to keep our community looking good. It was a mistake, but I.....under....stand.... So, you can fine me $75 for a garbage bag left outside my front door for less the 8 hours, but you can't do anything to the guy who breaks the rules on a daily basis....Fucked? I think so. At this point I would like to point out that our neighbors. who live directly across from us, there front door faces our front door and is about 12' away, always have a ton of shit in front in front of their house. Garbage bags, cardboard boxes, candy wrappers, newspapers...etc. We have sent in complaints to our condo corp about this, and what has been done about it I ask? Jack Fucking Squat! That's what. So I can get fined but they can't, Ummm, Why the fuck is that? Did I miss a memo or something.

"If you care about how the outside of you home looks, and have respect for the fact that your neighbors don't want to be listing to your music, you have to follow our rules. BUT, If you don't give a shit about how your home and your neighbors home looks and couldn't give a flying fuck that you share a wall with someone who has small children. You can blast your music and throw your garbage around with no consequence."

This is the impression I get. Wouldn't you?

To make things even better, this fucknut asked me this summer if he could borrow my weed eater.....Ummmm, Fuck you..... Tell you what, I'll give him my weed eater.....Maybe not in the way he thinks though.

I thought it was mine?

Well the wife has kept me busy, in preparation for the new baby (see Here). Well OK not really, I've just been lazy and tired. I figure I might as well be as lazy as I can now.

But I do have a new topic that I can rant about. It's one that affect everyone at one time or another. People have killed over it. It's the one thing that everyone wants. Will start a huge fight over. That's right....I'm talking about the T.V. remote.

It doesn't matter who you are with, Family, friends, hell if your cat likes the T.V. you could be screwed.

In my house the fighting isn't too bad. First I have to give some background though.

The way my house used to be setup was that I had control of the whole basement. It was my fortress of solitude, My home inside my home. I had complete control. My computer desk was down there, I had my very own Beer fridge (all hail the Beer fridge) and a small 20" T.V. Oh my little T.V. I loved that T.V. I played all my games on it, watched movies on it...Memories....

Our Big T.V. was upstairs, It was a 27". So that's the one my wife and daughter would watch. It had the good DVD player and all that good stuff hooked up to it.

The my "Nemeses" got a BIG screen, a 42"...OK...I can deal with that, a little jealous, but I'll live.....Fuck that! OK, its on. Mine will be BIGGER! So I talked it over with the wife. NO. That's right she said the dreaded N word.
"What do you need a big T.V. for? You don't watch T.V."
"So", I reply. "I watch movies. A lot of movies." I hate regular T.V., Gimme a 2 hour movie, no matter how crappy it is and I'll watch that before I watch some crappy ass 1/2 hour sitcom. The odd 1 hour show I will watch, but overall, movies are where it's at.
"You are NOT getting a new T.V."

A month later my new T.V. arrived. A nice 47" 1080p LCD. OH, I'm in heaven! The giant goodlynees of it. I got one of those bad ass LCD screen remotes with it too. BAD ASS!
"It's so gaudy!" Gaudy? WTF is wrong with this woman?
"How is it, Gaudy?"
"It's so big. It's unnecessary. Total wast of money."

Yeah, I said that too, she IS fucked!

"Nemeses" had a wall mount, that he couldn't use as he lives an a apartment building. So he was nice enough to give it to me. Nice! Not only do I have a giant T.V. But, I have it hanging on my wall! This is sweet. I can watch all my movies in high def, Play all my video games in high def. This is the life.

WTF. Suddenly the wife is in MY basement, Watching MY T.V., WTF is this? This is MY gaudy T.V., remember. It's so big and ugly.

Now at this point MY basement has become, OUR basement....WTF. I don't want to share. I need my own guy space. A wife and a daughter, my house is full of estergin. I need a mans area. No girls allowed! If I want to play a video game on MY T.V. I now have to ask....That's right I have to ask....Stay calm....I am in control of the situation.........................................

Now because my wife and I were downstairs all the time doing our thing, my daughter was upstairs doing her thing....Not a really good family setting.

Alright, lets move "MY" T.V. upstairs, as well as my computer desk. That way we will all be in the same room all the time. FUN! Yeah, that right I now have to SHARE a room with two girls...Feel my pain. OK, so I lost my T.V. to America's next top model....Topie and Benoo....and plenty of other CRAP, that they fill prime time with...WTF! What happened to my "gaudy" T.V.

I swear i can hear it crying some nights. I tell it it will all be OK one day.

To top it all off My wife starts complaning that I spend too much time on my computer.
"Your always playing video games!", OK, lets see whats on the boob tube. Reba...Um, no....Signfeild...Um, Double Fuck that! Top model, Paris Hilton BFF, make me a supermodel, so you think you can dance....Fuck that shit! K, lets see if there's anything on that I can tollerate...Mythbusters....No, she says. Oohh, Aliens is on! Um, no thanks. WTF is wrong with Aliens? That was a great movie. OK, Look The Terminator. GUESS what she said.

So why the Fuck did she ask me to watch T.V. with her, I won't watch any of that gay ass shit, and she wont watch anything that is actually good. Back to my computer I go.

So at this point I have lost my T.V..........My basement.........My Beer fridge......My manly freedom.....

I'm Gonna be a Daddy!...Again...

Well it a new day...OK it the end of this new day, but hey I write when I write.

It was made aware today that I will be a daddy on Oct. 27th at 12:00pm, Yeah that's right I can now see into the future! OK, maybe not but it's always fun to dream. No, I know because my wife has her c-section scheduled for that day.

I was told by my best friend "Nemeses" (his name is a closely guarded secret. He is real though, I swear) The Wife called him about 2 hours left to go in our day at work. As we don't work together, he couldn't tell me until the end of our day. So "F.U.nny" him, He decide to scare the fuck out of me. He walks up to me with 5 mins left before we punch out for the day, and tells me that my wife called him 5 mins ago and I'm about to be a dad. "WTF!" I say, "Holy shit, we got to go!" The fucking buttmunkey burst out laughing. Laughing! What a fucking dipshit! One of these days he's gonna find his fucking car missing....Yes, I have keys to his car...

He then informs me, it will be next Tuesday. Next Tuesday! Holy shit! I was expecting at least two more weeks! I still have to finish the baby's room! We need a crib mattress! We are going to need more dipares! A case of Beer! A bottle of Rum!....Wait those last two are for me....Pheww....Breath... I can do this again....

It had better be a boy. I can't handle anymore fucking princess and Barbie crap. I need a boy, someone who has my back in my house. If it comes out a girl, I'm sticking it back in to bake some more.

If it is a boy, my Wife asked if we will be circumcising him.
"Uhhh, yeah." I reply. I don't know how to take care of a uncircumcised "member".
"How hard can it be. Pull it back, clean, done." OK, sound logic, but I pose this question. I can whip it out and pee, all without touching it at all. Do you have to pull it back to pee if your uncircumcised?

Yes, I know, too much information. But as Nemeses says,"I'm a crew cut kinda guy, I don't like turtle necks." NO, he's not gay. Sounds gay, but he's not...Far as I know.

The best part of knowing when my Son/NOT Daughter will be born, is that I get to pick and choose what days I take off from work. You see, I only have 3 or 4 sick days I can take. Do I take them while the wife is still in the hospital and get some things done around the house...OR...do I wait till Her and the baby come home and help out then. The latter being three times as much work. Work around the house, helping with the baby, helping the wife....Oh, the hard decisions in life...

The best part about having a second child is that you can avoid all the mistakes you made with the first one....Like spoiling the fuck out of her...Yeah, My daughter is spoiled rotten. This kid has everything. I remember being a kid and having a few dinky cars to play with. My Mom did her best to give my brother and I EVERYTHING we could possibly want, But she was a single mom with two boys. I know, someone really hated her! But she worked her ass of and spent every penny on my brother and I. We almost always got the one thing we wanted for Christmas, maybe not much more, but the one thing we wanted, we got.

I have to put a blurb in here about Moms. I'll go more in depth about this in a later post (more then likely mothers day)

Moms are the greatest people on earth. Period. They do everything for you. Doesn't matter the cost to them. Period. My wife is a great mom. She may not think so, but she is great. My daughter couldn't ask for someone better. She is there for anything my daughter needs. Is always willing to play (more then I can say for myself)

My mother and I are very close. We have our disagreements, every family does, but when all is said and done it's in the past. I don't talk to my Mom as much as I should, Nor do I visit her with my daughter as much as I should. I know, I'm an Evil Fucknut of a Fucking Fuck (I can see my Mom cringing at my foul language) . But, I hate the phone (Fucking Gramme Bell) and I'm a lazy fuck that hates to go anywhere.

None the less, I love my mom. She is the one person that I will always forgive when she is wrong and I am right. (Or vise verse) At least I think she forgives me,....She is a woman, forgives but never forgets...

But, Back to the topic at hand, I want to be a Daddy again. First steps, First words, Firsts. We all love firsts....makes us all go, Awwww!

I'm ready for this. The laughing, giggling, drool....puke........shit............Diapers...............Diapers.................Diapers................Oh god help me..........





I know, not my usual tirade of cursing and calling the retards of the world "fucktards". But, we all have to write about something nice every now and then.....

I'll make it up with my next post.

The evils of shopping

So it's my one and only day off this week and I woke up early. Yeah that's right no sleeping in for me. 7:30am my eye's opened and would not close again. But, no big deal. I will survive.

So I crawled/fell out of bed with the intentions of doing nothing today. I almost succeeded. Minus having to make coffee...twice, I had to do some grocery shopping. Now, unlike most guys I know I like shopping for food. You wouldn't think so by looking at me as I'm a skinny little fuck, But I love my food. I also love to cook. So walking around in a grocery store to me is like a wonderland of discovery.

BUT, I Fucking hate other shoppers. People are just Fucking retarded in these cornucopia's of foodly goodness.

Why would you park your cart at the very end of an isle, sideways so no one can pass. On top of that let's leave our 1y/o child in the cart and walk away to another isle. Now lets say I did this hypothetically. If I came back and saw someone who dresses like me moving off with MY cart with MY child in it, I would fucking freak out. What the fuck is this weird ass guy doing with my child!?

This is the situation I came up against today. WFT, who the hell leaves a small child unattended, blocking the end of an isle? After some looking around I finally find the owner of this kid.

"You wanna move your cart?" I ask.

"Give me a min, I'm busy." he replies, not even looking at me...Excuse me....Your busy? Fuck you you little fucking fuck of a fuck. OK..., Breath..., I tell myself. You have your daughter with you. Set a good example. You are in control of the situation.

"Well your cart is blocking the isle, can you please move it."

Once again without looking at me, he replies,"I said, I'm busy." none to nicely either.

OK, wrong fucking answer fucktard. I'm not exactly a big guy or anything far from it. I'm 6'1" about 140-150lbs. But the way I dress I can be intimidating. I am a metal head. Big boots, Band shit, etc. This guy is maybe 5'4" 100lbs soaking wet with a brick in his pocket. Looking back to see what my daughter is doing, I see she is grabbing a few boxes of Kraft Dinner. Perfect!

Leaning forward, I calmly say,"If you don't move your cart, your face is going to become a part of it." He finally turns to face me, with a scowl on his face. First looking at my chest, his eye's move slowly up to my face. I could tell he was about to say something, probably something along the lines of, "Fuck you" but he smartly kept his mouth shut. Suffice to say he moved his cart.

Now I do have to admit, that this very rarely happens to me. My best friend gets to do this kinda stuff all the time. The guy is huge. Not the type of person you fuck with at all. But for me, I have to pick and chose my battles. Oh, the glory. Fucking fucktard. That's right move your shit! Bitch!

All this and my daughter saw nothing. Fantastic!

So moving on,as my little girl and I are walking through the store we can hear a couple have a pretty good argument. Everyone in the store could here these people for a good ten min's. We were grabbing some pop, when the couple comes up behind us. They are having an argument about money. Not the best place to argue but hey, in the heat of the moment, one place is as good as another. My problem was the language spilling from this guys mouth. My virgin ears! OK....So I swear with the best of them, but not in front of children. The odd cruse pops out, sorry, but as a whole, I have respect for the fact that this is the type of language our kids should not know. Until they learn it at the playground.

I turn to the guy and say,"Hey, you mind watching your language, There are kids around." Pointing to my daughter.

"Fuck you and your daughter!" He says. Oh...No...You...DIDN'T!! You wanna say shit like that to me, Fine. But never, ever,FUCKING EVER, say that shit to my daughter! As he is say this to me, The manager of the store is walking up to him. Before I can retaliate the manager is asking him to leave. His attention is then taken away from me and he starts to argue with him.Fuck! Oh what I wouldn't have given to say my piece to this fucknut. WTF is wrong with people. Come on, saying that shit to a kid! This guy needs a good fucking ass whooping. I would have given my left nut to be the one who did it.

Finally, I've gotten everything on my list. Time to get the fuck out of this hell hole. I find the shortest line. Yeah shortest line...that's right I get the line that not only does the cashier have to call for a price check, but the 1000 year old woman paying for it all has to pay in pennies...OK you ant to pay in change, Cool, I understand. But do me one favor. If you know you will be paying with a bunch of change.

HAVE THAT FUCKING CHANGE READY!!!!

Holy fuck, What the fuck is wrong with you. You know what every grocery store need is a Senior citizens line. Call it the "Slow ass old people with nothing but pennies line"

God, people are fucked! Next time I got shopping, My daughter stays at home. Give me a little bit more leeway....

We're all odd

So I had to work today. Yeah I know it's Sat. Trust me if it was my choice, I would have been sitting at home, Drinking a Beer and playing a video game. Or cleaning...my wife is demanding I know. But no, I had to go in to work to bank some hours for my winter shifts. I know it sounds odd, but its how shit goes where I work. So I was in the shop doing some body work on one of our trucks (my best friend and I are the body work guys there). It was just myself and one other guy in the shop, so it made for a boring day with not to much conversation. So the mind starts to turn in on itself.

You know what I mean. You start to think about some weird ass shit. I'm sot sure what other people think about, But I came up with some things Odd/weird fucked up things that people do. By the time I got home I had forgotten even thinking about this, but as I was sitting down having a Beer, I started talking to my cat "Kitten"(that would be her name. I know, ridiculous....blame my wife). Now as some of you may have read I have recently acquired a new kitten, and I would guess that after spending so much time with the little guy I haven't spent as much time with my other cats.

Kitten is a very odd cat. I have had her since the day she was born. Hell, she was born under my bed! Yeah gross, I know Before she was spayed, she would go into heat every two weeks. You ever had a cat that goes into heat? OMG annoying. All she did was yowl at the top of her lungs for a week. So it went a week of yowling, then a week off. So at the time My best friend and I hated her. Our solution. Nerf darts. Yeah that's right, we would shoot the little bitch every time she made a peep. Yes,I know it was wrong. But hind sight is 20/20.

Soooo, because of this she very rarely is seen, much less touched. But, for some fucked up reason she now loves me. I mean this cat wont leave me alone. My wife can be petting her and one snap of my fingers and she is in my lap. She sleeps at my feet at night, and wakes up with me in the morning.

Now we have a new kitten, who "Kitten" (I know confusing) does not like at all. She hate the little guy. So she hasn't slept in my bed in about 2 weeks now. Hasn't come near me at all in a while in fact. But tonight, Holy Shit, Withdraws. She wont leave me alone. All is forgiven.

OK, so I'm way of topic here. My point of this whole ramble was the fact that I had a conversation with this cat. Yeah I'm sure you have all talked to your pets before, But would you talk to say a fish? I do. I love my fish. I sit down in my chair, that faces my 2 tanks and talk to them, find out how their day was.

So this got me to thinking. Am I....odd...weird...No not at all. Lot's of people talk to their animals/plants/mirrors. But what other odd things do people do.

How about collecting Transformers? I mean hardcore collecting. Not odd you say. What about painting your own? How about giving yourself a transformer name?

I am talking about my best friend, and HARDCORE transformer geek. This guy is Encyclopedia Transformer. He has got a ton of these little dolls, Shhhh, don't tell him I called them dolls. He is the mod of a transformers site. This guy is Fucking Obsessed! Like WTF there toys! I do have to admit that I like playing with them when I go over to his place. Every time I leave they are all in one big group orgy. Optimus is taking it up the rear by Megatron, Bumblebee is blowing Starscreem. Oh, the shear joy. What makes it even more fun in the fact that it's usually a day or two before he notices. Then I get a text MSG or a phone call with him telling me I'm an asshole. "WTF, I thought you were supposed to play with toys...Oh,I play with the toys. Not the toys play with themselves." It's just to good. I get a good laugh out of it and my wife gets a good laugh (his wife laughs too, but that's a secret, shhhh)

My point is is that we all have some weird thing we do. Some odder( is that even a word?) then others. We can laugh at each other about them. But come on.....Playing with dolls?

Just to make things better, This guy is 6'4" about 220lbs and very intimadating....sorta....as long as he leaves his dolls at home.....

He is my best friend though. I wouldn't trade him for anything.

Clean that shit up!

Well I have to admit, I'm coming to a loss of what to write about. That's right I don't really have to much to say. Well that's kinda a lie. I could tell you about the jackass that wouldn't let me over into his lane even though my lane was ending. Big Truck + Little Car = You lose. But, I covered that already. Yes there are a ton of stupid ass drivers out there, to point a finger at all the idiots is just silly. Silly I say.

But wait...Is that an Idea forming in the back of my skull... .... .... no it's just a headache .... No, no it is an IDEA!

DOG SHIT

Clean that shit up! WTF is wrong with people. Not a single person out there like to step in a big 'ol pile of dog shit. And everyone has. Scraping that crap off your shoe is something no one wants to do. WTF!

OK, OK, you don't have to clean the shit in your own backyard on a regular basis. That I understand. I have a big dog...OK, well he'd not that big, he's just really furry. D.U.M. as fuck too, but he's family. so I'll keep him. I'll admit I don't clean up his shit all the time. I do really good during the summer months, as we spend time in our backyard. I don't wanna be back there smelling shit. And the flies it attracts, WOW, it's like a smartie to a fat kid....well fuck any kid for that matter.

No, I mean the shit you dog takes in a public place. ie; a park, someone Else's lawn, a dog run, anywhere that you don't OWN!

At this point I'm sure you have guessed that I steeped in a big 'ol pile of shit.

Ha! Your Wrong! Take that!

No, I was able to avoid it just in time. Mind you it wasn't all that hard when you come across an area that has about a dozen "poops" in it. I'm not talking about A dozen small little shit either. Not even big. These were left by Bigfuckingfoot! Holy shit! Do dog's come in that size? These thing were fucking huge! WTF is this guy feeding this dog? How the fuck big is this dog? I'm sorry, But Holy shit that shit is huge! The piles were so big, that me and the guys (and girl) that work with me stood there making comments about them.

Obviously this guy is taking his dog to work. Hey, that's cool. I would love to take my dog to work. So he knows that his dog is gonna have to do his "dooty". Hey, once again, your dogs got to go, your dogs got to go. But PICK THAT SHIT UP! Don't leave it there. WTF is wrong with you? You think it's just going to go away? How hard is it to bring a plastic bag to pick it up...Maybe a shovel in this guys case, but still. It's not that hard. So it's warm. So what, it's a little squishy. When a little kid falls on it at the park it will still probably be warm and squishy AND all over his/her hands.

Alright, here's another point. I your dog shits on my lawn, there's not a whole lot I can do about it, Other then yell at you and call you an asshole. Then I have to clean it up. BUT, if I shit on your lawn I could possibly go to jail and I would have to clean it up...Huummmm sounds a little shitty to me. So its OK to let a dog do it, but not a person. Why? Cause you would see my ass? Cause you would see the weird look on my face as I squeeze out that little turd? I don't know if you, the person reading this, has ever watched a dog take a crap, but they get a look of shear joy on their faces as well.

When it comes down to it, Clean up your dogs shit. No one wants to step in it...see it....have it lit on fire on their front porch...

No animals were harmed in the writing of this blog.

A day in the life of me.

That's right I'm gonna bore you with the details of my avarage day. You see, most of you think you know how an average day in Juiceworld must be. Wake up, work, play video games,drink beer, go to sleep...Well OK thats sorta right, but there is more to it then just that.

6:00 am

I wake up to the best theme song out there, "Eye of the tiger" Come on, who would want to be woken up to a song like that. After I finaly fall out of bed, I'm ready to run up (or down in my case) a flight of stairs throwing my fist into the are and yell,"COFFEE" now all I need is a big statue of my in my kitchen. But before all that I proceed to hit the snooze button about 4 times. Makeing my wife listen to that song a total of 5 times everyday. One of these days she's gonna snap.I can see the headlines now. "Wife kills husband to rocky theme!"

6:20 am

I roll/fall out of bed. Depending on how indulgent I got with my Beer the night before, this is when I descover if I have a hangover headache. Most times I don't...I did this morning though. I then surch my room for my work clothes....Where the fuck are my work clothes....I droped them right here last night. After surching for 5 mins and finding everything, I try to dress myself. Ever try to put on body long johns in the dark? Not an easy chore. After taking my legs out of the sleaves of said long johns, i get everything else on and head down to the kitchen.

6:25 am

I get into the kitchen , throw my hands in to the air "Adrian....uh shit no, COFFEE!!!!".Did the wife put Coffee on the night before? Thankfully yes (most times she does). I then get my lunch together. This is a pretty easy chore as my wife makes my lunch. I used to but my lunch everyday a work, but the little lady want us to save a bit of money so I told her, "You make my lunch, I'll take it and eat it." So she makes it for me. I got to tell you she makes some bad ass sandwadges!

6:31

Contomplate calling in sick....One sick day used so far this year....got 5 more.....Fuck.....Shit....Maybe....

6:32

Well I'm in my car at this point, turning the diel to 102.1 the edge. I love that radio station. The edge files are a hoot. Hearing about some douche who thought it would be a good idea to take a mold of his rectom using cement....yep that right it happend....you can laugh at this point...Oh look, a dickhead I need to flip the bird couse he just cut me off even though there is no one else on the road. I once again ask at this point, WTF is wrong with people.

6:59 am

I get to work. I'm gunna leave my work day for a seperate blog another time.

5:00 pm

I get home. Home...I love home time...the smell of freah baked bread, children laughing... Oh wait thats not my house...What house is that.....Oh yeah, marta stuart, my mistake. No I get attacked by a 4' terror I call a daughter. "DADDY!!!!" I haven't even closed the door yet, and I have a munchkin attached to my leg....Fortunatly she has no fear of a punting across the house(see my kitten blog if your confused) After hearing about my daughters day, it can be really confusing let me tell you, I sit down with the wife to hear about her day....2 mins after she starts her mom calls...20 mins later I am once again summond to hear about her day...2 mins later her aunt calls...20 mins later I am once again summond.
"No more phone calls?" I ask, she shakes her head laughing. She at this point proceeds into a 45min detailed story about her day. It's always the same story too. Her co-workers are trying to distroy her.

Why do our signifacant others work story's have to be so long? Like really. If something supper funny happened, tell me. Something huge, Tell me....Anywho it wont change. She watches my eyes glaze over but she keeps on talkng. Most times by this point I have had 2 or 3 Beers so I'm armored to listen for a little while.

I then get to play some video games....MMMmmm video games...lol I got to admit I even wrote that slow for effect, so read it slow, so that the effect works.

Yeah I'm a "Gamer" also a "Pirate" but, Shhhh on the last one. I go around killing so zombies of terriorts or whatever the hell I am killing in my current game. Se I was smart when I married my wife. She is not a big computer person, So I get to hog the hell out of my computer and not feel guilty...Until I was D.U.M. enough to get my daughter her first computer game...Fuck what a bad idea that was. Now its a fight between her and i for computer time. Ever try to make a deal based on time with someone who can't tell time? "7:05 is NOT 7:00 daddy, you can have the computer at 7:00" WTF now my daughter is tell me what to do! I need anouther Beer...

Hugs and kisses time, The kid is going to bed! Every parents favorite time of night.

Now I can sit down and relax....Fuck 10:30pm

Time for bed....

My wife can cook....Sorta...

My wife can cook...well...sorta. Lol, well she can now anyway. When I first met my wife water wasn't safe. No pot went un charred

She has been very sensitive about this, since I first started living with her. My best friend and I used to make fun of almost everything she made. That probably didn't help her wanting to learn but, COME ON, who can't make fun of someone who drains the broth out of soup.

That's right She drain the broth out of my chicken noodle soup. She says she doesn't like the broth (she hates soup). OK, I can buy, that but when she made it it was for me. I like the broth. I was sick at the time. One of the only times in 20 years I might add. But anyway. I asked her to make me some Chicken Noodle. I walk in the kitchen 10-15 min"s later to see her draining the broth into the sink through a colander. "WTF are you doing?" I ask in horror.
"I don't like the broth.", she answers.
"Your not eating it!"
At that she got really embarrassed. I can understand why, this is the way she has always made it for herself. But, I got to make fun of her for it. Shut up you would too and you know it.

Shortly after we got married. Second best night of my life. My (basically) brother got us a bread maker for a gift. I got to say I love that thing. But any way, She decided to make some banana bread. . . ...Wow it...was...great...as a door stop. Nemeses (my basically brother) Accidentally dropped it on the floor (I don't think it was an accident) and I swear it cracked the floor. But As I said it mad a Great door stop.

This bring us to her "shoe lace chicken" This was a join effort between my wife and Nemesis's wife....Shoe lace...nuff said...

But at this point I have to tell you that all this has changed. She has really put in a superb effort. At this very moment all I can smell is a pork roast cooking in a red wine sauce....MMMmmmmm wine sauce....I have to admit that she has made a massive improvement. She puts in a real effort when she cooks food for me. Yes, I said for me. Half the time she doesn't even eat what she cooks. She hates pork, pasgetti, MEAT, potatoes...Who the Fuck hates potatoes?!

When it comes's down to it. I know she loves me. That's what matters. She try's so hard to make everything as well as I do.

I have to say.... I think she may be a better cook then me...



(Edit) I take it all back... Someone forgot to take my slow cooker off the stove... it no longer has a knob....

Happy Turkey Day

What a great day so far! No D.U.M. people to speak off.....Well at least so far today. I got to sleep in! That never happens! My wife and I stayed up late last night watching Bullshit. Anyone that knows my wife knows that bedtime for her is like 7pm..... Assuming she had no afternoon nap. My daughter stayed with Grandma last night so it was nice and quiet. So as I said we slept in until 9am woke up and had some Coffee......MMMmmmmm Coffee. I sat back doing some of my 3D artistry, waiting to go to Grandma & Grandpa's. We got there and my wife's whole family was there. Ate a whole bunch of TURKEY! I LOVE turkey, soooooo gooood.....makes you tired though. More so after a beer or two. So we left a little more then 2 hours later, with full bellies, to come home to a nice nap....or so I thought.

The WIFE decided that we were going to clean our bedroom...WTF it's Turkey day! Why the hell do I have to work on Turkey day? Not only do I have to clean it, but I have to move two dressers...Holy fuck this just keeps getting better...OK I can take a nap after all this work, it'll be even better by then.

OK I finished the bedroom....NAP TIME!!!!! whats that little daughter of mine, the fish tank what about it? I promised you could help me clean it... ... ... ... ... O....k....This shouldn't take too long. Drain a bit of water, clean the gravel, fill it back up, 1/2 hour tops. There we go kiddo, all clean! Whats that I said we would change the lights on it too... But....We have to go to the store to do that.....

So we get to the store 20 mins later. We look around for the bulbs I want to get, should be $5-6 bucks each...Holy fuck $22, you got to be shitting me. OK then chippie ass regular bulbs it is then. 2 for $7. We get home and I realize this is not going to be a quick job. I have to take the canopy off the tank....by myself. this thing is 5' by 2' And not light....after a bit of a struggle i get it off. OK now time to change out the fixture, replace with the new one....Fuck I gotta put it back on....after more struggling I got the fucking thing back on. "Let's see how it looks, Kiddo!" God Dame it, looks like shit! Fucking cheep ass bulbs....Cheep ass wife....OK I can fix this. not today though I want my NAP!

NAP time here I come! Whats that? I have to help get Pumkin ready to go to her Auntie's for the night?....O....K....

It's now 6:30pm, No point in taking a nap now.

I'll sit down for a quiet night and watch a movie or something....

Whats that?.....The kitchen needs to be cleaned.....Kitty litter..........

I need a day off....



Happy Thanks Giving

Our New Kitten

Well I've been reading through the posts I have made so far, Laughing at my own wittiness. Yes, I have an ego, I am a man after all. And I got to say I give off the impression that I am a compleatly negitive dick that can't see the good that there is in this world.

There are some good things out there , in the words of my favorite Radio host; Kittens,Baby's, Nipples and BEER.

I have a new kitten. I called him Lucky. I named him that as he is lucky to be alive. He was a yard cat. He was born in the yard of the shop that I work at that is full of dangerous equipment, Poisons and other misc. things that could quite possably kill as small animal. Getting to work at 6:30am to have a coffee and a smoke with the guys before we start work, I was just chillin, chatting it up when out of the blue, this little fur ball comes hurling out of the darkness from under a table. Attaching itself to my leg, my first instict is OMG WTF is this, GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF! Almost punting him clear across our yard I see what it is. I reach down and pluck him off my leg (first mistake). He's so tiny, Cute and cuddley. Ok I have 2 cats, a dog, a 50g saltwater fishtank and a 125g cichlid tank....I don't need anouther animal....FUCK.....God dame it why did he have to be so fucking cute. Now He's lucky I took him home.

OK I'll call the wife see what she say's.........OK bad idea she'll say no, But....if i just.....bring....him...home....

So I walk in the door with this little guy. The wife looks at me. WTF is that. NO, NO, NO, NO....all while petting him.....Did I mention how cute he is. Then my daughter saw him. HA, I win he stays. Can't take the little guy away from her now can I.

Wait a min... I don't like cats....My wife likes cats, I like dogs. Where's my dog, "Come Ben, Where are you buddy?" Fucking dog is with the cat. For fuck sakes the dog even likes the cat. What have I done.

I have to hold the cat for a while....Little guy likes to be held.....OOooooo he's purring........Wait WTF am I doing. This little thing is gonna distory my couch.....well, I do have a baby on the way he'll distory it too....OMG WTF am I saying why the hell am I defending this little cat? It's a cat. All they do is eat, shit.....Awww look he's attacking a sock...........

I hate Cats

WTF is wrong with people

I gonna start this one off by saying that People these days have no Respect. Not a shred. No one says thank you anymore. People don't hold open a door for anyone. If I'm driving in heavy traffic and someone needs over into my lane but there is no space, I'll slow down a bit to give said person room to come over. What do I get in return. Fuck All. What you can't give a simple wave to say, "Hey, thanks for letting me in." Noooooo, that's to much to do. Lazy ass fuck. But I'll tell you this, if the roles were reversed, but I forced my way in front of the other car, I'm sure he wouldn't mind waving a finger. So you can wave a finger that is attached to your hand to say fuck you, but to wave a thanks is just to fucking much to ask.

If I hold open a door for you say thank you. Common Courtesy. Not that fucking Common.

My daughter is in Sparks (first level of girl guides) They are supposed to teach kids how to be polite. My wife who is 8.5 months pregnant was dropping her off one night 2 weeks ago. All the leaders were bringing in boxes of girl guide cookies so my wife politely held open the door for them. Now these are not small doors. It is a church that these meetings are held, so they are the big heavy wooden doors. Out of the 4-5 people bringing in these boxes only 1 person said thank you. One! What the FUCK! Way to show these kids. Way to set a good fucking example. That was no easy task for my wife. Trying to hold my 5 y/o daughter out of the way, hold open a door for like five min's, to not even be acknowledged is detestable. What the FUCK! I told her she should have said something. But do you even think that would have done anything. NO....no it wouldn't. If a person can't acknowledge that someone (who is pregnant no less) held a door for them to make their small pathatic little lives a little easier, Then they just don't give a flying fuck. Oh, they'll say sorry, but they wont learn anything from it. And "Sorry" doesen't cover it.

Sorry, I forgot to do the dishes....
Sorry, I ment to pick that up.....
Sorry, I forgot to say thank you....
Sorry, I'm a compleat asshat that has no respect for anyone or anything and can't show a little gratatude when it's do.

The word sorry has lost its meaning. As my grandmother used to say, "Sorry covers a multiude of sins." Meaning that it is used so much it means almost nothing.

I have the best "Sorry" story ever. I drive a big Ford F350 truck with a 30 foot trailer that is all painted Swiss Aqua (blue/green, ugly I know) Very eye catching hard to miss.
I'm driving up to a red light in the left hand turn lane. Now this is an intersection that has 3 lanes each side with a big concrete barrier in between. Each direction has a right/straight lane, a stright lane, a BIG ASS crosshatched space, then a left hand turn lane, BIG ASS concrete barrier. As i said I am comming up to a red light in the left hand turn lane. Next thing I know there is a stupid ass fuck making a left in my lane. I slam on the breaks and avoid hitting this guy by mear inches. What does this stupid ass FUCK do? Throws up his hands looks at me and asks WTF I'm doing. WTF I'm DOING! You have got to be kidding me. Where the fuck did this stupid ass fuck of a fuck learn to fucking drive. This guy is pissed that I'm in his way. So I yell out my window that he's in the wrong fucking lane. He looks around, took him a few seconds to catch on, but soon realizes his mistake. Oh but wait it gets better. Then the Fucking moron decides to try and drive through on comming traffic to get around the barrier. Like HOLY Shit this guy is gonna kill someone. My favorite part of this whole ordeal is the fact that he couldn't even bother to say he's sorry. Not even a wave. No, he just looked at us all like it was our fault that he's an idiot.

Stupid people need to be shot......

A New Day....Of Stupidity

Well as stated it's a new day. And with every new day the is some sort of new fucked up story that can be related to it. So I figure I will take up your time to talk about all the things in our world that really piss me off.

STUPIDITY

I don't mean stupid moments we all have in our days. We all have brain farts here and there. ie; "My birthday is on the 12th this year!" Fuck (slaps forehead) Yes...Yes I did say that. I ment to say Sat. but in the mists of a brain fart....
I mean the really REALLY Stupid ass people out there. We have all had some contact with theses people. RetardMan at the beer store was a prime example. There are some truly D.U.M. ass people out there (yes that is how I spell dumb, if you can't figure out why, you can join my D.U.M. list). My favorite Form of Stupidity are people that know they are stupid but try to cover it up. You know the ones I mean. They are agreeable people. I once told this guy at work that a friend of mine, whom I said was loaded, Was importing 50 pygmy Elephants.....Yes that's right I said Pygmy Elephants. For $15,000 you could have your very own "little Dumbo". Not only did he believe it, but he backed me up, Not knowing that everyone else on my crew was in on the joke. Started going on about watching this show on how they are making these pygmy elephants for sale to the general public...*cough*BULLSHIT*cough*. Are you fucking kidding me! Are there people that are really this D.U.M. in the world.

Just to be clear, there are pygmy elephants in the world. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pygmy_elephant. Not many of them but they are there. Less then 1000. No way they will be selling them to people to have as pets.

My point is is that he never saw a show about this. But he had to try and look smart and carry on with it. This is only one example of stupid people. I have sooo many I don't even know where to start with a new one.

There are 4 types of people in our little world.
Type 1. Academically intelligent
These are the people that could recite the whole periodic table of elements. Well OK maybe that's a little much but you know what I mean, Book smart people. We all know someone like this. The only problem with these people is that they have no common sense. Ask them to change a tire, fix a door handle....Program a VCR (sorry ladies I had to add that for comedic effect)

Type 2. Street smart
These people can get by on common sense. Change a tire, figure out a how to deal with and everyday life problem...They couldn't tell you the capital of Turkey (Ankara, yeah I looked it up) But for everyday situations these people are on the ball.

Type 3. Both of the above
See 1. and 2.

Type 4. Complete D.U.M.ass
These are the people that need to be shot. See you think I'm joking, I'm not. These are the people that breed like rabbits, creating more and more stupid people (watch the movie Idiocracy, the first 5 Min's explains it all) I think we should have to go through a test at the age of... lets say...21... This would be a general competency test. You don't have to be supper smart or anything just to be able to make it through life without someone holding you hand. (Excluding Truly Challenged people of course, They have been dealt a shitty ass hand through no fault of their own). I know this sounds a little harsh, but that's my view.

Think about it. How many times have you come home and said, " So there was this complete fucking retard..." Now how many time have you said, "There was this super smart guy..." HA I'll bet you the former is WAYYYYY bigger then the latter. See were surrounded by Stupidity.

All you can really do at this point is shake your head.....

2 Hours later

Yeah it been 2 hours and I have to admit....I kinda like this bloging shit. Rant, Rave....Who wouldent like that?

First I should explain the whole JuiceWorld thing. My initials are O.J. Yeah I'v heard all the OJ jokes so calm down. Only one person in pressed me by asking if I went well with vodka. No Wheres the other glove, type shit. (But if you think you have one I havent heard, Please send it to me and I'll let you know if its a new one to me.) I love that guy....I can't remember his name though....Yeah I suck....So anyway after the movie "Jury Duty" everyone started calling me juice. "It's the Juice, run OJ run!" So thats how I got the name Juice. Juice world came from the fact that I was pretty fucked up in high school, (more on that later) So the big joke was that I was living in JuiceWorld. Little devils running around with pitchforks named BoB. I love BoB. I have a Tee shirt with him on it. My wife got PINK pain on it (FUCK) but I'll let her live ( I go by the three strike rule).

Second, I guess I should tell you about myself I am a married man with a child, soon to be children. 3 weeks to go and I will be a daddy again. It had better be a boy. We tried to check the sex but He/She is shy. Fucking kid wont do what He/She is told already. My wife is huge but I got to say, say she has never been sexier. Watching/Feeling the baby move around has got to be the coolest thing ever. She thinks thats she is a giant blob, but really she just has a huge gut. I like to think she has a keg not a 6 pack. Come on who wouldent take a keg over a 6 pack?

I'm a muscle builder That is dumb as fuck and I love sports......OK I wouldent mind being those things, but alas I'm a skinny fuck that loves Video games and Porn. Yeah thats right I admit to liking Porn, Who doesen't? If you don't, you lie. Everyone wants to watch someone get their fuck on with someone else. It's an animal thing. FUCK YOU you lie! Ok call me a pervert, whatever....

I also Love to play Guitar, I like to think I'm as good as Joe Satriani, but I probly suck ass. I can play a few things but when it comes down to it....I NEED to play more.

Movies and Video Games are my real Love. I think I have seen just about every movie ever made. I hate T.V. (save a few shows) I will have a to 10,20,50 movies/games up here eventually but that takes time. we'll see what happens. I have also played tones of Games you name it I have played it. As long as it has been on Computer, Fuck these consoles. Why the fuck would I spend an ass load of money on a console just to spend an ass load of money on games (half of witch(lol yeah i cant spell) Suck ass) when I can have a computer and get them for free. One word Torrents, Learn this word. It is the holy grail of computers.

Thats right I am a Pirate. No, I don't have an eyepatch, that would be cool thought but I like my eyes. I'm kinda attached to them. same for the peg leg. I also hate birds. I can thank my best friend for that one. He remembers that little yellow fucking lovebird my dad owned....OMFG I hated that Fucking thing!!!! Fucking little fuck of a fucking thing tried to make a nest in my fucking desk!

Wow so much to write. I could go on and on, but I'm sure you don't want to hear all about my fucked you childhhood. You want more retard story's. Lol, who doesen't like a good "this fucking retard" story? I'll have more no worries.... The world is FULL of retards.....FULL

My First Blog

Yeah after seeing as how everyone else in the world has started a blog in the hopes that someone in the world want to read about their lives. I have decided to join the band wagon.

First Let me tell you that I have no room in my life for stupid people. Unfortunatly, it seems the world is full of them. I will add to this as I come across these people throughout my day. Couse well... We all like to go on and on about "That retard driver"(yes is said retard, learn to cope) or "The compleat asshat at the store" We all deal with these people at some point in our week, unless of course you are a hemit. In that case the only stupid person you would have to deal with is yourself.

I did have a total retard(that evil word again) in front of me at the beer store this afternoon. This guy had to be in his late 30s, and it was like the fucknut had never bought beer before. When I walked in, he was the only customer in the store. But, I could tell he had been there a while as the guy behind the counter was already annoyed. From the point I jumped in (evesdroped, yeah I'm a dick like that) He wanted to know what the cheapest beer with a silver lable was. So....Umm lets call the guy at the till "Beerman" (my hero) tells him that is most likly Laker. "What sizes do they come in?"
What sizes do they come in? Where the fuck did this guy come from. Ummm 6, 12, 24. Yes some beers have an 18 and with some promos a 15 pack is available. I coulds have understood asking if there was an 18 but come on, not knowing what any of the sizes are. Fucking retard.
Then the guy asks what it tastes like....WTF!!! Taste the fucking shit. What the fuck is wrong with this guy.
"Is it the same price as bud?" Ok so this guy has at least had beer before. So Beerman explains how there are cheap beers and premeium beers.
"Do you have a sample pack?" Retardman asks......Ok I'm starting to lose my cool....
"No", says Beerman. You can tell at this point that beerman is really starting to lose his cool.
"Is the alchol the same as old millwake?" Holy shit! WTF is wrong with this guy. What does he think this place is. I could understand if this was the LCBO, asking questions about wine and such, but this is fucking beer.
At this point there is about 6-7 more people behind me. So beerman nicely asks him to go look at the beer wall and decide what he would like so he can serve the other customers. Retardman says "No"....No ....No...fuck you, fucking fucknut of a fuck....Pick a fucking beer and drink the fucking stuff. Buy a 6, you like it buy more, you don't buy something diffrent. You know Bud and Old Mill get that shit. HOLY FUCK!!!!!
So at this point the manager come out and pulls retardman off to the side to help him out. Myself and the 2 guys behind me start clapping. It was fucking great. I got my beer, a 12 of Carling, Yeah my wife makes me be cheap.
As I was leaving the store Retardman was asking if he could get a Two-Four with 1 of each beer....Fucking Retard....

Oh yeah my spelling sucks ass.....you don't like it don't read it.....