Yup, that's me, the picture explains it all. I hate all religion. Period. It sucks. You want me to worship a magical guy in the sky...S u r e ......

I'll have to say right now is, if you are religious, Stop reading. I mean it. You will be insulted.

Still reading arnt you. Yeah that's right, I knew you would. You can't sit there knowing that someone is about to insult your beliefs. I can understand that. Everyone needs something to believe in....But...come on...really? A magical guy in the sky? He made everything? And devotes all his attention to listing to your whining and bitching? I need a new car. Help me with my money issues. Fuck me. That's Bullshit.

OK, God created everything in six days (he rested on the seventh...fuck I would to!), about 5000 years ago....5000 years ago? Ummm, wernt the dinosaurs around like 65 million years ago? Oh that's right, the Jews put the bones there...Umm, where did they get 65 million year old bones?....Costco's!

Alright, lets skip ahead a few years. Adam and Eve. Everyone's fantasy. Walking around naked, in public, with no fear of getting raped. Every mans dream! But, along came that dam snake...fucking snake, what would things be like if that fucking snake had minded his own business. Wait, that snake was Satan, or something working for him right? And god had only created things seven days before? So in less then week he already had "Angels" quit on him? Great boss. I wonder if he got severance pay?

But anyway back to the naked people. They get kick out of Eden for eating an apple...a fucking apple...Well, fuck me, we're all going to hell now. I have eaten a shit load of apples. So they leave. At this point they decide that being naked outside of Eden is wrong. I'll bet it was her idea for clothes. I guess Eden was the Nude Beach of the would at the time. They discover the "Tab A into Slot b", thing and have two sons. Kane and Able...Kane then kills Able. Great brother. Then Kane has kids.

...Wait a sec..., WTF! Kane has kids? Where the fuck?!...But...Kane...No girls..Eve?...Ummm...WRONG! Incest? This is what our society is built on? You have to be kidding me. I think my Mom is a good looking gal and all but....That's...just...wrong.

Lets fast forward a little more now. Noah. There was a cool guy. He could have been part of ZZ Top, Kick ass beard. The guy collected 2 of every animal on earth. Makes sense, as every living thing is in walking distance from your hut. Why don't we keep the tigers with the kangaroos! The kangaroos can keep the tiger cubs warm. Awww, isn't that cute! And why the fuck would he save mosquitoes? Bastard. I say we blame him for the bubonic plague and avian flu! Let's stone the fucker!

So, WTF is wrong with these people. I can't understand this. You really believe this?

Faith, That's what they tell me. You have to have Faith. OK, I have Faith that if I have any more beer I will be drunk. I have Faith that I will have to go to the bathroom sometime tonight after drinking said beer. I have faith that the Toronto Maple Leafs will NOT get the Stanly Cup this year.

Do I have faith that a magical man in the sky will solve my problems for me....NO.

The Virgin Mary....Where do I start with this one. OK, so god knocked her up? Without her knowing? Umm, isn't that rape? It's OK for god to do it, why not us? I can see it now, some lawyer somewhere is gonna use that as a precedence to get off his repeated rapist client.
"Well, God did it!"
So it is either that God is a rapist or The Virgin Mary wasn't really all that of a virgin. I don't know about you, but I think I can guess what's right.

Then we have the church it self....Wow I'm not sure I want to touch this one. The Inquisition...Alter boys...Homosexuality. Whats wrong with being Gay? How many male dogs have you seen try to bang another male dog? My dog personally likes stairs. I'm not Gay but if you are, fine. I have no problem with it. I will respect you being Gay as long as you respect me, knowing that I'm not. There will be no "Slam Dunking" this ass.

The "Church" does not condone Condoms, or any form of birth control. Anyone else have a problem with this? Teen pregnancy, Aids, one night stands? How many people are dieing in Africa from Aids? Something like 70% of the population has Aids. The "church" is feeding them, clothing them, educating them....but wont let them use condoms. I know of another place just like this. We feed them, clothe them and educate them, they don't get Condoms either...it's a place called prison.

I could keep going on, and on, and on, and on...But I don't want this post to take up 6 1/2 pages. I think most of my point has been put forth though.


I can see the pull towards religion though. To think that your life is guided by an unseen hand, and to know that there is something after this life. Strong stuff. But I suggest that you take control of your own life. Take responsibility for your actions.

If you really need a religion, try Baconisim. It's my religion. If your interested just ask how to join. All are welcome.

And it's free.

I'm Gonna be a Daddy!...Again...

Well it a new day...OK it the end of this new day, but hey I write when I write.

It was made aware today that I will be a daddy on Oct. 27th at 12:00pm, Yeah that's right I can now see into the future! OK, maybe not but it's always fun to dream. No, I know because my wife has her c-section scheduled for that day.

I was told by my best friend "Nemeses" (his name is a closely guarded secret. He is real though, I swear) The Wife called him about 2 hours left to go in our day at work. As we don't work together, he couldn't tell me until the end of our day. So "F.U.nny" him, He decide to scare the fuck out of me. He walks up to me with 5 mins left before we punch out for the day, and tells me that my wife called him 5 mins ago and I'm about to be a dad. "WTF!" I say, "Holy shit, we got to go!" The fucking buttmunkey burst out laughing. Laughing! What a fucking dipshit! One of these days he's gonna find his fucking car missing....Yes, I have keys to his car...

He then informs me, it will be next Tuesday. Next Tuesday! Holy shit! I was expecting at least two more weeks! I still have to finish the baby's room! We need a crib mattress! We are going to need more dipares! A case of Beer! A bottle of Rum!....Wait those last two are for me....Pheww....Breath... I can do this again....

It had better be a boy. I can't handle anymore fucking princess and Barbie crap. I need a boy, someone who has my back in my house. If it comes out a girl, I'm sticking it back in to bake some more.

If it is a boy, my Wife asked if we will be circumcising him.
"Uhhh, yeah." I reply. I don't know how to take care of a uncircumcised "member".
"How hard can it be. Pull it back, clean, done." OK, sound logic, but I pose this question. I can whip it out and pee, all without touching it at all. Do you have to pull it back to pee if your uncircumcised?

Yes, I know, too much information. But as Nemeses says,"I'm a crew cut kinda guy, I don't like turtle necks." NO, he's not gay. Sounds gay, but he's not...Far as I know.

The best part of knowing when my Son/NOT Daughter will be born, is that I get to pick and choose what days I take off from work. You see, I only have 3 or 4 sick days I can take. Do I take them while the wife is still in the hospital and get some things done around the house...OR...do I wait till Her and the baby come home and help out then. The latter being three times as much work. Work around the house, helping with the baby, helping the wife....Oh, the hard decisions in life...

The best part about having a second child is that you can avoid all the mistakes you made with the first one....Like spoiling the fuck out of her...Yeah, My daughter is spoiled rotten. This kid has everything. I remember being a kid and having a few dinky cars to play with. My Mom did her best to give my brother and I EVERYTHING we could possibly want, But she was a single mom with two boys. I know, someone really hated her! But she worked her ass of and spent every penny on my brother and I. We almost always got the one thing we wanted for Christmas, maybe not much more, but the one thing we wanted, we got.

I have to put a blurb in here about Moms. I'll go more in depth about this in a later post (more then likely mothers day)

Moms are the greatest people on earth. Period. They do everything for you. Doesn't matter the cost to them. Period. My wife is a great mom. She may not think so, but she is great. My daughter couldn't ask for someone better. She is there for anything my daughter needs. Is always willing to play (more then I can say for myself)

My mother and I are very close. We have our disagreements, every family does, but when all is said and done it's in the past. I don't talk to my Mom as much as I should, Nor do I visit her with my daughter as much as I should. I know, I'm an Evil Fucknut of a Fucking Fuck (I can see my Mom cringing at my foul language) . But, I hate the phone (Fucking Gramme Bell) and I'm a lazy fuck that hates to go anywhere.

None the less, I love my mom. She is the one person that I will always forgive when she is wrong and I am right. (Or vise verse) At least I think she forgives me,....She is a woman, forgives but never forgets...

But, Back to the topic at hand, I want to be a Daddy again. First steps, First words, Firsts. We all love firsts....makes us all go, Awwww!

I'm ready for this. The laughing, giggling, drool....puke........shit............Diapers...............Diapers.................Diapers................Oh god help me..........





I know, not my usual tirade of cursing and calling the retards of the world "fucktards". But, we all have to write about something nice every now and then.....

I'll make it up with my next post.