WTF is wrong with people (part 2)

(Part 1 here)

I know,I know its been a little while since my last post. I have been busy, with this that and the other...Namely getting screwed, but that's another story. I may get into it a bit. We all know I love to make fun of all the fucking idiots out there. The problem is, is that I have too many fucknut story's at the moment...Where to start.

I'm going to start with my wife's favorite thing to complain about. And complain she does...non...stop...
Fucking idiot drivers. When did signals become optional on cars? What you can't use a fucking signal to let me know that your going to cut me off. It's not like its a hard thing to do. The fucking switch is 1.5" from your fucking finger. It must be that it takes too much brain power to figure out if it needs to go up or down. Fucking Fucknuts Use Your Fucking Signals!!!!!

On the flip side of that, turn you fucking signals OFF after changing lanes. How many of you have sat behind a car/truck wondering if the fucking moron is going to change lanes? All of you! What you can't remember 10 fucking seconds ago when you turned it on? Turn That Shit Off!!!

For those of you with road rage, know what the fuck you are getting into before you start going all crazy. May save you the embarrassment of looking like a total jackass.
One day a few years ago Nemeses and I were going to work. Some fucknut was doing like 50km over the limit, coming up right behind us out of no where. Passed us on the right and the cut us off, right in front of a red light. Nemeses had to stand on the breaks to avoid hitting the fucking asshole. So Nemeses flipped him the "bird" right behind him at the light making sure he saw. So as soon as this fucking moron saw this he thought he would be the big man and get out of his car to come beat the shit out of nemesis....Fucking dumdass. This fucking retard was about 5'10" medium build. Nemeses is 6'5' 250lbs, and intimidating...if you don't know him....Fucking teddy bear. So this guy gets out of his car and comes stomping up to our car. I start laughing knowing how this is going to turn out. Half way to our car Nemeses gets out of his car....At this point, in one fluid motion fucktard turns and heads back to his car...

OOOoooo, big man turned back by the gentile giant. Fucking retard. What if that was a woman? Would he have done the same thing? Maybe some young kid? Like WTF is wrong with people. He cut us off, almost made us smash into the back of him and when we get pissed he "try's" to retaliate. Fucking Moron.

Now, lets talk about plow trucks. It's getting into that time of year when the snow start to fly, and all these hard workers are out there day and night making sure you can get to work or home or the bar, whatever the case may be. You all need to know one thing about these guys. STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM THEM! I plow. I am no longer plowing in a truck, I plow in a front end loader (people stay away from me as they are afraid out it) But too often I see people not treating the trucks with the respect they deserve.

Do you not see that giant battering ram...I mean plow on the front of them?

I once got pulled over by the cops for "running a red light" Fucking bullshit, but anyway, I told him it was yellow and that i did not think I could stop safely. Fucking cop says," You have a four wheel vehicle." Yes!, it does have four wheels! Fuck off I know what he meant. Yes, it does have four wheel drive. It also has the same amount of breaks as any other vehicle. Yes, I have better traction WHILE driving. Stopping is the same as any other vehicle though. Even worse though as I have a giant battering ram...fuck I mean plow on the front of my truck.

Just so things are clear for you all. In Canada, a blue light on a truck means, STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY! If you hit me, its your fault. If I hit you...ITS YOUR FAULT. Fucking retards. Why do you have to be so fucking retarded?

Tips to live by.

1. Don't pass a plow/salt truck on the road. That's just asking to get killed.

2. Don't cut off a plow/salt truck. That's just asking to get killed.

3. If you see two plow/salt trucks, don't squeeze in between them. (You know who you are.)

4. I you hit or are hit by a plow truck, its your fault. Don't argue, don't point fingers. Accept it. Your a D.U.M.ass

5. If someone flips you the "bird", accept that YOU did something wrong. Don't be a jackass and try to be the "big man", as stated above, you could end up looking like a douche, and your just being a fucking jackass.

6. If you are stuck in a ditch, $50 bucks gets you out. No money, your shit out of luck.


I could keep going with this, but it wont sink in. You will all continue to be fucking idiot drivers.

Yup, that's me, the picture explains it all. I hate all religion. Period. It sucks. You want me to worship a magical guy in the sky...S u r e ......

I'll have to say right now is, if you are religious, Stop reading. I mean it. You will be insulted.

Still reading arnt you. Yeah that's right, I knew you would. You can't sit there knowing that someone is about to insult your beliefs. I can understand that. Everyone needs something to believe in....But...come on...really? A magical guy in the sky? He made everything? And devotes all his attention to listing to your whining and bitching? I need a new car. Help me with my money issues. Fuck me. That's Bullshit.

OK, God created everything in six days (he rested on the seventh...fuck I would to!), about 5000 years ago....5000 years ago? Ummm, wernt the dinosaurs around like 65 million years ago? Oh that's right, the Jews put the bones there...Umm, where did they get 65 million year old bones?....Costco's!

Alright, lets skip ahead a few years. Adam and Eve. Everyone's fantasy. Walking around naked, in public, with no fear of getting raped. Every mans dream! But, along came that dam snake...fucking snake, what would things be like if that fucking snake had minded his own business. Wait, that snake was Satan, or something working for him right? And god had only created things seven days before? So in less then week he already had "Angels" quit on him? Great boss. I wonder if he got severance pay?

But anyway back to the naked people. They get kick out of Eden for eating an apple...a fucking apple...Well, fuck me, we're all going to hell now. I have eaten a shit load of apples. So they leave. At this point they decide that being naked outside of Eden is wrong. I'll bet it was her idea for clothes. I guess Eden was the Nude Beach of the would at the time. They discover the "Tab A into Slot b", thing and have two sons. Kane and Able...Kane then kills Able. Great brother. Then Kane has kids.

...Wait a sec..., WTF! Kane has kids? Where the fuck?!...But...Kane...No girls..Eve?...Ummm...WRONG! Incest? This is what our society is built on? You have to be kidding me. I think my Mom is a good looking gal and all but....That's...just...wrong.

Lets fast forward a little more now. Noah. There was a cool guy. He could have been part of ZZ Top, Kick ass beard. The guy collected 2 of every animal on earth. Makes sense, as every living thing is in walking distance from your hut. Why don't we keep the tigers with the kangaroos! The kangaroos can keep the tiger cubs warm. Awww, isn't that cute! And why the fuck would he save mosquitoes? Bastard. I say we blame him for the bubonic plague and avian flu! Let's stone the fucker!

So, WTF is wrong with these people. I can't understand this. You really believe this?

Faith, That's what they tell me. You have to have Faith. OK, I have Faith that if I have any more beer I will be drunk. I have Faith that I will have to go to the bathroom sometime tonight after drinking said beer. I have faith that the Toronto Maple Leafs will NOT get the Stanly Cup this year.

Do I have faith that a magical man in the sky will solve my problems for me....NO.

The Virgin Mary....Where do I start with this one. OK, so god knocked her up? Without her knowing? Umm, isn't that rape? It's OK for god to do it, why not us? I can see it now, some lawyer somewhere is gonna use that as a precedence to get off his repeated rapist client.
"Well, God did it!"
So it is either that God is a rapist or The Virgin Mary wasn't really all that of a virgin. I don't know about you, but I think I can guess what's right.

Then we have the church it self....Wow I'm not sure I want to touch this one. The Inquisition...Alter boys...Homosexuality. Whats wrong with being Gay? How many male dogs have you seen try to bang another male dog? My dog personally likes stairs. I'm not Gay but if you are, fine. I have no problem with it. I will respect you being Gay as long as you respect me, knowing that I'm not. There will be no "Slam Dunking" this ass.

The "Church" does not condone Condoms, or any form of birth control. Anyone else have a problem with this? Teen pregnancy, Aids, one night stands? How many people are dieing in Africa from Aids? Something like 70% of the population has Aids. The "church" is feeding them, clothing them, educating them....but wont let them use condoms. I know of another place just like this. We feed them, clothe them and educate them, they don't get Condoms either...it's a place called prison.

I could keep going on, and on, and on, and on...But I don't want this post to take up 6 1/2 pages. I think most of my point has been put forth though.


I can see the pull towards religion though. To think that your life is guided by an unseen hand, and to know that there is something after this life. Strong stuff. But I suggest that you take control of your own life. Take responsibility for your actions.

If you really need a religion, try Baconisim. It's my religion. If your interested just ask how to join. All are welcome.

And it's free.

It's ??:?? O'clock Do you kow where your kids are.

I wanna talk about kids. You know those little cute bundles of puke, shit, slobber...oh, and Joy.

People if you have kids, WATCH THEM. They are getting in trouble. I'm not talking about teens or even preteens, although you should keep an eye on them too (the little fuckers) But I mean the younger ones. Too often these days I see way to many unwatched kids wreaking havoc out there in our streets.

Let me ask you this. Should a 5 year old child be playing in the middle of a road unwatched? NO?! How dare you say, NO. What kind of parent are you? Oohhh, a good one!
That's right, the road is no place for a kid. Fuck, Its not safe for an adult these days. Especially Smokers. OK, Well how about letting your 3 year old be taken to the store that is half a click away, by their 5 year old brother. NO, Are you kidding me? That's wrong you say? Why, that 5 year old will know what to do in case a bad situation happens. He's a responsible little guy. He can almost wipe his own ass. He knows how to use a toaster! Unfortunately, he hasn't mastered the round peg square hole thing yet.

All too often I see this...well actually I see it almost everyday. There are a lot of kids that play on our road, and our road is quite busy. People speed through it constantly. We had to have speed bumps installed because of this. Not that it made a difference. Yet, Parents (Crackhead lady) still lets their children play unsupervised where all these cars are speeding by.

We have a lady (I use this term loosely)....Let's call her, Ummmm...aaahhww... Crackhead lady! She has two young children, both under six. Both are never watched. EVER. I have almost run both of these kids over multiple times. I can honestly say that I don't go flying through our complex. I take my time, as there are so many kids running around. But, even so these kids just run out into the road without looking. All the time. Uh, WTF happened too, "Your to young to cross the road". Come on anyone my age has told the story about trying to run away from home. You know the one. You got to the end of the street and couldn't cross the road, so had to turn back and go back home. Shit like that doesn't happen anymore. Fucking kids end up at the airport.

Yes, I had a neighbours kid end up there it has happened. Yet another fine example of good parenting.

Where are all the good parents? What happened to all of our good children? Is it the music they listen to? No, That's bullshit. Any parent that blames music is using it as a scapegoat. I listened to Iron Maiden, Black Sabbath, Manson...etc... You don't see me running around killing people. Well not yet anyway.....Joking...or am I?

There is another kid on our street. You just have to look at this kid to know he is bad news. He looks like trouble. Fucking kid thought it would be funny to scream into my car window as I was driving by him. He stood as close as he could so when he screamed I thought I had run over his foot or something. "Holy shit!" Is this kid alright? I hope I didn't hurt him....Fucking kid was so close to dieing when I discovered that he was just being a fucking retard. Give me a fucking heart attack!
"What you think that was funny?" I asked him.
"NO" ....NO?, WTF. At least be fucking honest. What?, It's not funny anymore because I stopped and got out of my car? You can tell I'm about to kill you. Yeah, ...Not that fucking funny was it. "Then why did you do it?"
"I don't know.", saying this with a smile on his face....Can I kill him?....No...I can at least beat him black and blue right?
No?...OK, so what can I do?
I can tell his parents...Yeah....They seem to be doing a great job at raising him to begin with...But, none the less I truck on over to his parents house. I'll let them know what just happened.

"What do you want me to do about it?" they say.

Are you fucking kidding me? You have to be joking right. Yeah, that's a good joke..............You are kidding..........right? The blank stare I get is priceless. This is a woman who has no idea what her kid is up too, let alone cares....insert lots of cursing here.... Fucking retards need to stop breeding.

At this point I would like to say that my version of retard is; A fucking stupid ass motherfucker of a prick who has no fucking idea how to be a normal ass fucking person because he/she is too fucking stupid to fucking understand or comprehend anything. (actual challenged people excluded....insert gray area)

Or something like that...

Either way, I scared the shit out of this kid. I know that he wont be doing anything like that to me or my family again. For the next few weeks anyway.

When it comes down to it, WATCH YOUR FUCKING KIDS....



Testicles, that is all....

Anyone got a lighter?

I am a smoker. Yep, that's me. I'm one of those fucks that pollutes the air you breath... Fuck that shit! Stop whining you stupid D.U.M. fucks. My little tiny smoke is not destroying the environment. It is not killing you. But, because I smoke, I get fucking screwed at every turn.

I started smoking when I was 14 years old. Yeah its young and I DO regret it, but it happened. Trying to impress a girl and all that. When I started, a pack of smokes was $3. Whats the price of them now? $10+ WTF! is that. Lets keep raising the price of cigarettes because we all know that those evil smokers wont quit, this way we can make a ton of money off them...We can call it a "sin tax". Ummm, Extortion much. This is our government. The Mob.

Then they take smoking out of restaurants and bars, Unless you have a separate ventilated area. Cool, OK, you can close us away in a little box. Yep, a little small fucking box. Almost every Bar/Restaurant I went to had the tiny little box completely filled with people, with a lineup to get in. While the non-smoking area was....Ummm, where are all the non-smokers? I thought they wanted us out of there so they could enjoy themselves. NO, you fucking bitch whine and complain to get what you want. You don't even know what the fuck you want.

Then to top that off. They take away our little tiny boxes.Yeah that's right, they took them away, just as we were starting to like them! Why?, You ask. Because the waiter/waitress has got to go in there. OK, fine. Fucking whiny ass bitches.

Ok, so now we all have to step outside the door, go outside to have a smoke....Fine I will freeze my ass off, get wet in the rain, whatever I have to do. Just to be understanding. I will be the bigger man and not complain .I wouldn't want anyone to go out of there way for me at all.

"I'm sorry, what was that? I have to stand 10m away from the door to have my smoke?" OK, WTF, So I can't smoke inside or in a little tiny box or outside....Umm, where the fuck can I go?

Now, smoking is a bad thing. It is. It will cause cancer...or so they tell us.

The exhaust from cars cause cancer as well. Much more quickly I might add. Tell you what, I can sit in my car with the windows up, chain smoke an entire pack of smokes and MAYBE feel a little light headed...Now lets route the exhaust of your car into the cab. I give you about 5 Min's before you are dead. Yep that's right D E A D. My cigarette pumps out carbon dioxide/monoxide just like a car does. Only the car does it 10,000 times faster.

Almost everyone has a car...How many smokers are there?

I don't see people complaining about any cars in front of said restaurant. Oh, that's right the cars are outside....Wait, WTF so am I! Why the fuck am I so fucking evil? I'll put money down on the fact that the same people that complain about all us evil smokers own 2+ vehicles. A giant gas guzzling, exhaust spewing SUV. But, my tiny little smoke is killing everyone.

Ever sat back and wondered if people died of all these cancers say 100 years ago, 200 years ago? Sure they did. Not in the numbers people do today. Back then cancer was an uncommon thing. Today people are dropping like flies. It must be the smokes. Wait a minute though, people have been smoking for more then 200 years. Fuck they been lighting up those pipes for at least 3-4000 years. No it must be these filters they have on cigarettes now. Those evil fucking filters!

Could it be the cars? As more cars are put on the road, cancer rates have risen as well. There are less smokers today then there were 20 years ago, but cancer is still on the rise. Oh yeah, fuck silly me, its all that second hand...oh yeah that's right, the only place I can smoke is under my covers, in bed, at home, at 3am. Any other time I may offend someone.

Oh, what was that? Their talking about banning smoking in apartment buildings. So now we can't smoke in our own homes....

I'm not offended. I don't mind being segregated. Labeled a bad person because I like to enjoy my life to the fullest.

"Smoking shortens your life!" So do car accidents, falling bricks, the hamster flu, lightning, choking, drowning and calling your wife fat. Just to name a few.

These same people that complain, I'll bet drink. Well drinking lead to liver disease, drunk driving, waking up next to ugly people, premature aging and social disparity. I say we rally together and kick these bastards out of our bars. They are killing people with their drunk driving, namely us smokers, as we are the one out on the sidewalks and the roads. Targets to be run over!

Run hide!

I'm Gonna be a Daddy!...Again...

Well it a new day...OK it the end of this new day, but hey I write when I write.

It was made aware today that I will be a daddy on Oct. 27th at 12:00pm, Yeah that's right I can now see into the future! OK, maybe not but it's always fun to dream. No, I know because my wife has her c-section scheduled for that day.

I was told by my best friend "Nemeses" (his name is a closely guarded secret. He is real though, I swear) The Wife called him about 2 hours left to go in our day at work. As we don't work together, he couldn't tell me until the end of our day. So "F.U.nny" him, He decide to scare the fuck out of me. He walks up to me with 5 mins left before we punch out for the day, and tells me that my wife called him 5 mins ago and I'm about to be a dad. "WTF!" I say, "Holy shit, we got to go!" The fucking buttmunkey burst out laughing. Laughing! What a fucking dipshit! One of these days he's gonna find his fucking car missing....Yes, I have keys to his car...

He then informs me, it will be next Tuesday. Next Tuesday! Holy shit! I was expecting at least two more weeks! I still have to finish the baby's room! We need a crib mattress! We are going to need more dipares! A case of Beer! A bottle of Rum!....Wait those last two are for me....Pheww....Breath... I can do this again....

It had better be a boy. I can't handle anymore fucking princess and Barbie crap. I need a boy, someone who has my back in my house. If it comes out a girl, I'm sticking it back in to bake some more.

If it is a boy, my Wife asked if we will be circumcising him.
"Uhhh, yeah." I reply. I don't know how to take care of a uncircumcised "member".
"How hard can it be. Pull it back, clean, done." OK, sound logic, but I pose this question. I can whip it out and pee, all without touching it at all. Do you have to pull it back to pee if your uncircumcised?

Yes, I know, too much information. But as Nemeses says,"I'm a crew cut kinda guy, I don't like turtle necks." NO, he's not gay. Sounds gay, but he's not...Far as I know.

The best part of knowing when my Son/NOT Daughter will be born, is that I get to pick and choose what days I take off from work. You see, I only have 3 or 4 sick days I can take. Do I take them while the wife is still in the hospital and get some things done around the house...OR...do I wait till Her and the baby come home and help out then. The latter being three times as much work. Work around the house, helping with the baby, helping the wife....Oh, the hard decisions in life...

The best part about having a second child is that you can avoid all the mistakes you made with the first one....Like spoiling the fuck out of her...Yeah, My daughter is spoiled rotten. This kid has everything. I remember being a kid and having a few dinky cars to play with. My Mom did her best to give my brother and I EVERYTHING we could possibly want, But she was a single mom with two boys. I know, someone really hated her! But she worked her ass of and spent every penny on my brother and I. We almost always got the one thing we wanted for Christmas, maybe not much more, but the one thing we wanted, we got.

I have to put a blurb in here about Moms. I'll go more in depth about this in a later post (more then likely mothers day)

Moms are the greatest people on earth. Period. They do everything for you. Doesn't matter the cost to them. Period. My wife is a great mom. She may not think so, but she is great. My daughter couldn't ask for someone better. She is there for anything my daughter needs. Is always willing to play (more then I can say for myself)

My mother and I are very close. We have our disagreements, every family does, but when all is said and done it's in the past. I don't talk to my Mom as much as I should, Nor do I visit her with my daughter as much as I should. I know, I'm an Evil Fucknut of a Fucking Fuck (I can see my Mom cringing at my foul language) . But, I hate the phone (Fucking Gramme Bell) and I'm a lazy fuck that hates to go anywhere.

None the less, I love my mom. She is the one person that I will always forgive when she is wrong and I am right. (Or vise verse) At least I think she forgives me,....She is a woman, forgives but never forgets...

But, Back to the topic at hand, I want to be a Daddy again. First steps, First words, Firsts. We all love firsts....makes us all go, Awwww!

I'm ready for this. The laughing, giggling, drool....puke........shit............Diapers...............Diapers.................Diapers................Oh god help me..........





I know, not my usual tirade of cursing and calling the retards of the world "fucktards". But, we all have to write about something nice every now and then.....

I'll make it up with my next post.