Showing posts with label wife. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wife. Show all posts

Anyone got a lighter?

Saturday, November 7, 2009

I am a smoker. Yep, that's me. I'm one of those fucks that pollutes the air you breath... Fuck that shit! Stop whining you stupid D.U.M. fucks. My little tiny smoke is not destroying the environment. It is not killing you. But, because I smoke, I get fucking screwed at every turn.

I started smoking when I was 14 years old. Yeah its young and I DO regret it, but it happened. Trying to impress a girl and all that. When I started, a pack of smokes was $3. Whats the price of them now? $10+ WTF! is that. Lets keep raising the price of cigarettes because we all know that those evil smokers wont quit, this way we can make a ton of money off them...We can call it a "sin tax". Ummm, Extortion much. This is our government. The Mob.

Then they take smoking out of restaurants and bars, Unless you have a separate ventilated area. Cool, OK, you can close us away in a little box. Yep, a little small fucking box. Almost every Bar/Restaurant I went to had the tiny little box completely filled with people, with a lineup to get in. While the non-smoking area was....Ummm, where are all the non-smokers? I thought they wanted us out of there so they could enjoy themselves. NO, you fucking bitch whine and complain to get what you want. You don't even know what the fuck you want.

Then to top that off. They take away our little tiny boxes.Yeah that's right, they took them away, just as we were starting to like them! Why?, You ask. Because the waiter/waitress has got to go in there. OK, fine. Fucking whiny ass bitches.

Ok, so now we all have to step outside the door, go outside to have a smoke....Fine I will freeze my ass off, get wet in the rain, whatever I have to do. Just to be understanding. I will be the bigger man and not complain .I wouldn't want anyone to go out of there way for me at all.

"I'm sorry, what was that? I have to stand 10m away from the door to have my smoke?" OK, WTF, So I can't smoke inside or in a little tiny box or outside....Umm, where the fuck can I go?

Now, smoking is a bad thing. It is. It will cause cancer...or so they tell us.

The exhaust from cars cause cancer as well. Much more quickly I might add. Tell you what, I can sit in my car with the windows up, chain smoke an entire pack of smokes and MAYBE feel a little light headed...Now lets route the exhaust of your car into the cab. I give you about 5 Min's before you are dead. Yep that's right D E A D. My cigarette pumps out carbon dioxide/monoxide just like a car does. Only the car does it 10,000 times faster.

Almost everyone has a car...How many smokers are there?

I don't see people complaining about any cars in front of said restaurant. Oh, that's right the cars are outside....Wait, WTF so am I! Why the fuck am I so fucking evil? I'll put money down on the fact that the same people that complain about all us evil smokers own 2+ vehicles. A giant gas guzzling, exhaust spewing SUV. But, my tiny little smoke is killing everyone.

Ever sat back and wondered if people died of all these cancers say 100 years ago, 200 years ago? Sure they did. Not in the numbers people do today. Back then cancer was an uncommon thing. Today people are dropping like flies. It must be the smokes. Wait a minute though, people have been smoking for more then 200 years. Fuck they been lighting up those pipes for at least 3-4000 years. No it must be these filters they have on cigarettes now. Those evil fucking filters!

Could it be the cars? As more cars are put on the road, cancer rates have risen as well. There are less smokers today then there were 20 years ago, but cancer is still on the rise. Oh yeah, fuck silly me, its all that second hand...oh yeah that's right, the only place I can smoke is under my covers, in bed, at home, at 3am. Any other time I may offend someone.

Oh, what was that? Their talking about banning smoking in apartment buildings. So now we can't smoke in our own homes....

I'm not offended. I don't mind being segregated. Labeled a bad person because I like to enjoy my life to the fullest.

"Smoking shortens your life!" So do car accidents, falling bricks, the hamster flu, lightning, choking, drowning and calling your wife fat. Just to name a few.

These same people that complain, I'll bet drink. Well drinking lead to liver disease, drunk driving, waking up next to ugly people, premature aging and social disparity. I say we rally together and kick these bastards out of our bars. They are killing people with their drunk driving, namely us smokers, as we are the one out on the sidewalks and the roads. Targets to be run over!

Run hide!

My wife can cook....Sorta...

Tuesday, October 13, 2009
My wife can cook...well...sorta. Lol, well she can now anyway. When I first met my wife water wasn't safe. No pot went un charred

She has been very sensitive about this, since I first started living with her. My best friend and I used to make fun of almost everything she made. That probably didn't help her wanting to learn but, COME ON, who can't make fun of someone who drains the broth out of soup.

That's right She drain the broth out of my chicken noodle soup. She says she doesn't like the broth (she hates soup). OK, I can buy, that but when she made it it was for me. I like the broth. I was sick at the time. One of the only times in 20 years I might add. But anyway. I asked her to make me some Chicken Noodle. I walk in the kitchen 10-15 min"s later to see her draining the broth into the sink through a colander. "WTF are you doing?" I ask in horror.
"I don't like the broth.", she answers.
"Your not eating it!"
At that she got really embarrassed. I can understand why, this is the way she has always made it for herself. But, I got to make fun of her for it. Shut up you would too and you know it.

Shortly after we got married. Second best night of my life. My (basically) brother got us a bread maker for a gift. I got to say I love that thing. But any way, She decided to make some banana bread. . . ...Wow it...was...great...as a door stop. Nemeses (my basically brother) Accidentally dropped it on the floor (I don't think it was an accident) and I swear it cracked the floor. But As I said it mad a Great door stop.

This bring us to her "shoe lace chicken" This was a join effort between my wife and Nemesis's wife....Shoe lace...nuff said...

But at this point I have to tell you that all this has changed. She has really put in a superb effort. At this very moment all I can smell is a pork roast cooking in a red wine sauce....MMMmmmmm wine sauce....I have to admit that she has made a massive improvement. She puts in a real effort when she cooks food for me. Yes, I said for me. Half the time she doesn't even eat what she cooks. She hates pork, pasgetti, MEAT, potatoes...Who the Fuck hates potatoes?!

When it comes's down to it. I know she loves me. That's what matters. She try's so hard to make everything as well as I do.

I have to say.... I think she may be a better cook then me...



(Edit) I take it all back... Someone forgot to take my slow cooker off the stove... it no longer has a knob....