Well Holy Shit I'm Back!

Just as the title say, I'm back!

I know, Its been quite a while since my last post... I am a new father and all. Got to teach that new kid how not to be fucking retarded.

It's now 4:50 am as I write this and it's my Birthday. Happy getting fucking old to me! 29...almost 30, but not quite there yet I have a few more months to go before I am really an official adult.

I figure I would give you all a small update on my life.

My 5 year old is doing great with the new baby....The new baby is driving us nuts with her constant eating...Fucking pig....I started our winter shifts ( that's why my posts may came at weird times),And we got our first snow fall...

I plow, as we all know (Click here) And for yet another year I come across complete fucking asshats, that just do the most retarded fucking stupid ass move you can think of. Like really, you know that someone is plowing snow, you see the pile that said person is plowing the snow to, So you park you fucking car in front of that pile??? WTF, WTF, WTF...

So you come out to your car a few hours later, only to find that it has a 3 foot wall of snow around it...Don't get mad...this is when you slap your forehead and realize that you are a total fucking retard... yes that's right, a RETARD.

I'm not going to explain this to you. If you can't figure out why you are retarded, then you are retarded and wouldn't understand anyway.

Look do you see what these fuckers did to me? It's my birthday and these fucks got me all worked up. OK, deep breaths...in ...out...in...FUCK!!!

Mind you I have to laugh...picturing the Fucknut digging out his car...

Buying an alarm clock to wake you up for work...$20
Getting gas in the morning to last you the week...$20
Getting that, get up and go coffee.............................$1.65
Getting that 1,000,000 contract, earning a promotion and finding out you are a irreplaceable asset to the company.................................................$80,000 a year

Having to dig your car out of a giant pile of snow, cause you were retarded enough to park your car in front of the only place to put snow during a snow storm, and pissing the guy off that has to plow said snow................................................................Priceless.


I have to admit I LOVE doing this. I wont lie...Your retarded...Learn to cope...

But!, today is a happy day. I am a year older, a year wiser...bud-wiser...and I get to get my oldest daughter what I want to buy her for Christmas...

Life is good...

WTF is wrong with people (part 2)

(Part 1 here)

I know,I know its been a little while since my last post. I have been busy, with this that and the other...Namely getting screwed, but that's another story. I may get into it a bit. We all know I love to make fun of all the fucking idiots out there. The problem is, is that I have too many fucknut story's at the moment...Where to start.

I'm going to start with my wife's favorite thing to complain about. And complain she does...non...stop...
Fucking idiot drivers. When did signals become optional on cars? What you can't use a fucking signal to let me know that your going to cut me off. It's not like its a hard thing to do. The fucking switch is 1.5" from your fucking finger. It must be that it takes too much brain power to figure out if it needs to go up or down. Fucking Fucknuts Use Your Fucking Signals!!!!!

On the flip side of that, turn you fucking signals OFF after changing lanes. How many of you have sat behind a car/truck wondering if the fucking moron is going to change lanes? All of you! What you can't remember 10 fucking seconds ago when you turned it on? Turn That Shit Off!!!

For those of you with road rage, know what the fuck you are getting into before you start going all crazy. May save you the embarrassment of looking like a total jackass.
One day a few years ago Nemeses and I were going to work. Some fucknut was doing like 50km over the limit, coming up right behind us out of no where. Passed us on the right and the cut us off, right in front of a red light. Nemeses had to stand on the breaks to avoid hitting the fucking asshole. So Nemeses flipped him the "bird" right behind him at the light making sure he saw. So as soon as this fucking moron saw this he thought he would be the big man and get out of his car to come beat the shit out of nemesis....Fucking dumdass. This fucking retard was about 5'10" medium build. Nemeses is 6'5' 250lbs, and intimidating...if you don't know him....Fucking teddy bear. So this guy gets out of his car and comes stomping up to our car. I start laughing knowing how this is going to turn out. Half way to our car Nemeses gets out of his car....At this point, in one fluid motion fucktard turns and heads back to his car...

OOOoooo, big man turned back by the gentile giant. Fucking retard. What if that was a woman? Would he have done the same thing? Maybe some young kid? Like WTF is wrong with people. He cut us off, almost made us smash into the back of him and when we get pissed he "try's" to retaliate. Fucking Moron.

Now, lets talk about plow trucks. It's getting into that time of year when the snow start to fly, and all these hard workers are out there day and night making sure you can get to work or home or the bar, whatever the case may be. You all need to know one thing about these guys. STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM THEM! I plow. I am no longer plowing in a truck, I plow in a front end loader (people stay away from me as they are afraid out it) But too often I see people not treating the trucks with the respect they deserve.

Do you not see that giant battering ram...I mean plow on the front of them?

I once got pulled over by the cops for "running a red light" Fucking bullshit, but anyway, I told him it was yellow and that i did not think I could stop safely. Fucking cop says," You have a four wheel vehicle." Yes!, it does have four wheels! Fuck off I know what he meant. Yes, it does have four wheel drive. It also has the same amount of breaks as any other vehicle. Yes, I have better traction WHILE driving. Stopping is the same as any other vehicle though. Even worse though as I have a giant battering ram...fuck I mean plow on the front of my truck.

Just so things are clear for you all. In Canada, a blue light on a truck means, STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY! If you hit me, its your fault. If I hit you...ITS YOUR FAULT. Fucking retards. Why do you have to be so fucking retarded?

Tips to live by.

1. Don't pass a plow/salt truck on the road. That's just asking to get killed.

2. Don't cut off a plow/salt truck. That's just asking to get killed.

3. If you see two plow/salt trucks, don't squeeze in between them. (You know who you are.)

4. I you hit or are hit by a plow truck, its your fault. Don't argue, don't point fingers. Accept it. Your a D.U.M.ass

5. If someone flips you the "bird", accept that YOU did something wrong. Don't be a jackass and try to be the "big man", as stated above, you could end up looking like a douche, and your just being a fucking jackass.

6. If you are stuck in a ditch, $50 bucks gets you out. No money, your shit out of luck.


I could keep going with this, but it wont sink in. You will all continue to be fucking idiot drivers.

Yup, that's me, the picture explains it all. I hate all religion. Period. It sucks. You want me to worship a magical guy in the sky...S u r e ......

I'll have to say right now is, if you are religious, Stop reading. I mean it. You will be insulted.

Still reading arnt you. Yeah that's right, I knew you would. You can't sit there knowing that someone is about to insult your beliefs. I can understand that. Everyone needs something to believe in....But...come on...really? A magical guy in the sky? He made everything? And devotes all his attention to listing to your whining and bitching? I need a new car. Help me with my money issues. Fuck me. That's Bullshit.

OK, God created everything in six days (he rested on the seventh...fuck I would to!), about 5000 years ago....5000 years ago? Ummm, wernt the dinosaurs around like 65 million years ago? Oh that's right, the Jews put the bones there...Umm, where did they get 65 million year old bones?....Costco's!

Alright, lets skip ahead a few years. Adam and Eve. Everyone's fantasy. Walking around naked, in public, with no fear of getting raped. Every mans dream! But, along came that dam snake...fucking snake, what would things be like if that fucking snake had minded his own business. Wait, that snake was Satan, or something working for him right? And god had only created things seven days before? So in less then week he already had "Angels" quit on him? Great boss. I wonder if he got severance pay?

But anyway back to the naked people. They get kick out of Eden for eating an apple...a fucking apple...Well, fuck me, we're all going to hell now. I have eaten a shit load of apples. So they leave. At this point they decide that being naked outside of Eden is wrong. I'll bet it was her idea for clothes. I guess Eden was the Nude Beach of the would at the time. They discover the "Tab A into Slot b", thing and have two sons. Kane and Able...Kane then kills Able. Great brother. Then Kane has kids.

...Wait a sec..., WTF! Kane has kids? Where the fuck?!...But...Kane...No girls..Eve?...Ummm...WRONG! Incest? This is what our society is built on? You have to be kidding me. I think my Mom is a good looking gal and all but....That's...just...wrong.

Lets fast forward a little more now. Noah. There was a cool guy. He could have been part of ZZ Top, Kick ass beard. The guy collected 2 of every animal on earth. Makes sense, as every living thing is in walking distance from your hut. Why don't we keep the tigers with the kangaroos! The kangaroos can keep the tiger cubs warm. Awww, isn't that cute! And why the fuck would he save mosquitoes? Bastard. I say we blame him for the bubonic plague and avian flu! Let's stone the fucker!

So, WTF is wrong with these people. I can't understand this. You really believe this?

Faith, That's what they tell me. You have to have Faith. OK, I have Faith that if I have any more beer I will be drunk. I have Faith that I will have to go to the bathroom sometime tonight after drinking said beer. I have faith that the Toronto Maple Leafs will NOT get the Stanly Cup this year.

Do I have faith that a magical man in the sky will solve my problems for me....NO.

The Virgin Mary....Where do I start with this one. OK, so god knocked her up? Without her knowing? Umm, isn't that rape? It's OK for god to do it, why not us? I can see it now, some lawyer somewhere is gonna use that as a precedence to get off his repeated rapist client.
"Well, God did it!"
So it is either that God is a rapist or The Virgin Mary wasn't really all that of a virgin. I don't know about you, but I think I can guess what's right.

Then we have the church it self....Wow I'm not sure I want to touch this one. The Inquisition...Alter boys...Homosexuality. Whats wrong with being Gay? How many male dogs have you seen try to bang another male dog? My dog personally likes stairs. I'm not Gay but if you are, fine. I have no problem with it. I will respect you being Gay as long as you respect me, knowing that I'm not. There will be no "Slam Dunking" this ass.

The "Church" does not condone Condoms, or any form of birth control. Anyone else have a problem with this? Teen pregnancy, Aids, one night stands? How many people are dieing in Africa from Aids? Something like 70% of the population has Aids. The "church" is feeding them, clothing them, educating them....but wont let them use condoms. I know of another place just like this. We feed them, clothe them and educate them, they don't get Condoms either...it's a place called prison.

I could keep going on, and on, and on, and on...But I don't want this post to take up 6 1/2 pages. I think most of my point has been put forth though.


I can see the pull towards religion though. To think that your life is guided by an unseen hand, and to know that there is something after this life. Strong stuff. But I suggest that you take control of your own life. Take responsibility for your actions.

If you really need a religion, try Baconisim. It's my religion. If your interested just ask how to join. All are welcome.

And it's free.

It's ??:?? O'clock Do you kow where your kids are.

I wanna talk about kids. You know those little cute bundles of puke, shit, slobber...oh, and Joy.

People if you have kids, WATCH THEM. They are getting in trouble. I'm not talking about teens or even preteens, although you should keep an eye on them too (the little fuckers) But I mean the younger ones. Too often these days I see way to many unwatched kids wreaking havoc out there in our streets.

Let me ask you this. Should a 5 year old child be playing in the middle of a road unwatched? NO?! How dare you say, NO. What kind of parent are you? Oohhh, a good one!
That's right, the road is no place for a kid. Fuck, Its not safe for an adult these days. Especially Smokers. OK, Well how about letting your 3 year old be taken to the store that is half a click away, by their 5 year old brother. NO, Are you kidding me? That's wrong you say? Why, that 5 year old will know what to do in case a bad situation happens. He's a responsible little guy. He can almost wipe his own ass. He knows how to use a toaster! Unfortunately, he hasn't mastered the round peg square hole thing yet.

All too often I see this...well actually I see it almost everyday. There are a lot of kids that play on our road, and our road is quite busy. People speed through it constantly. We had to have speed bumps installed because of this. Not that it made a difference. Yet, Parents (Crackhead lady) still lets their children play unsupervised where all these cars are speeding by.

We have a lady (I use this term loosely)....Let's call her, Ummmm...aaahhww... Crackhead lady! She has two young children, both under six. Both are never watched. EVER. I have almost run both of these kids over multiple times. I can honestly say that I don't go flying through our complex. I take my time, as there are so many kids running around. But, even so these kids just run out into the road without looking. All the time. Uh, WTF happened too, "Your to young to cross the road". Come on anyone my age has told the story about trying to run away from home. You know the one. You got to the end of the street and couldn't cross the road, so had to turn back and go back home. Shit like that doesn't happen anymore. Fucking kids end up at the airport.

Yes, I had a neighbours kid end up there it has happened. Yet another fine example of good parenting.

Where are all the good parents? What happened to all of our good children? Is it the music they listen to? No, That's bullshit. Any parent that blames music is using it as a scapegoat. I listened to Iron Maiden, Black Sabbath, Manson...etc... You don't see me running around killing people. Well not yet anyway.....Joking...or am I?

There is another kid on our street. You just have to look at this kid to know he is bad news. He looks like trouble. Fucking kid thought it would be funny to scream into my car window as I was driving by him. He stood as close as he could so when he screamed I thought I had run over his foot or something. "Holy shit!" Is this kid alright? I hope I didn't hurt him....Fucking kid was so close to dieing when I discovered that he was just being a fucking retard. Give me a fucking heart attack!
"What you think that was funny?" I asked him.
"NO" ....NO?, WTF. At least be fucking honest. What?, It's not funny anymore because I stopped and got out of my car? You can tell I'm about to kill you. Yeah, ...Not that fucking funny was it. "Then why did you do it?"
"I don't know.", saying this with a smile on his face....Can I kill him?....No...I can at least beat him black and blue right?
No?...OK, so what can I do?
I can tell his parents...Yeah....They seem to be doing a great job at raising him to begin with...But, none the less I truck on over to his parents house. I'll let them know what just happened.

"What do you want me to do about it?" they say.

Are you fucking kidding me? You have to be joking right. Yeah, that's a good joke..............You are kidding..........right? The blank stare I get is priceless. This is a woman who has no idea what her kid is up too, let alone cares....insert lots of cursing here.... Fucking retards need to stop breeding.

At this point I would like to say that my version of retard is; A fucking stupid ass motherfucker of a prick who has no fucking idea how to be a normal ass fucking person because he/she is too fucking stupid to fucking understand or comprehend anything. (actual challenged people excluded....insert gray area)

Or something like that...

Either way, I scared the shit out of this kid. I know that he wont be doing anything like that to me or my family again. For the next few weeks anyway.

When it comes down to it, WATCH YOUR FUCKING KIDS....



Testicles, that is all....

Grandma's Rule!

Ever sit back and think about what you want to be like when you get old and wrinkly. Come on, I know you have. Everyone talks about it when they are kids. Pretending to be some old fart saying, "Come here sonny." I don't know about you, but I have never said "sonny", and I no longer thing 30 is old. Darth..., Sorry I meant the wife, and I were talking about this tonight.

I want to be just like the one person in my family That was really really great. My grandmother.

No, I don't want to be some old lady when I get old.

My Grandmother (Nanny to me) was the meanest most crotchety foul mouthed woman you would ever meet. And I loved her to death. I am almost certain that I learnt my first...and second...fuck probably all of my swear words from her. She was blunt and to the point. If you didn't like it, "Fuck you, in full stereo!"

I mean really, my grandmother was the type of little old lady that would make a biker blush. If she had something on her mind, you and everyone around knew it instantly. I remember one time she had taken a friend of mine and myself to a restaurant for lunch. This was a small town place, the town had about 50 people. Yeah that small, about 15 tables in all. Squished all together. We might as well been eating at the same table. So we're sitting there chatting it up, typical teenage stuff, When out of now where grandma blindsides my buddy.

"You know-insert name-, Your fat."

The whole restaurant want silent. It was golden. Don't get me wrong I was embarrassed for my buddy, but DAM only an old person could get away with that. What was he supposed to say? Fuck you. No, he had to sit there, pull his jaw off the floor and pretend nothing happened.

She was like this with everyone. She once told my wife she was spoiling my daughter. Darth...I mean my wife replied, "I'm doing her hair." Classic. At this point I knew that I wanted to be just like her when I grew up.

I want to live by her philosophy. Fuck what anyone thinks. If they don't like it, they can sit and rotate. In full stereo. (her favorite line).

Don't get me wrong, she was also the greatest grandmother anyone could ask for. She would help me out with anything. Was always great for a good conversation and could cook up a storm (what grandmother can't cook).

So as I make my way through life, I always try to remember my foul mouthed Grandmother.
What would grandma say?

Fuck you!

Yeah, that how I want to be when I get old. I wanna sit on my front porch and throw things and young people as they walk by.... .... .... Hell I want to do that now, but I'm not old, therefor could be held accountable for my actions.

Anyone got a lighter?

I am a smoker. Yep, that's me. I'm one of those fucks that pollutes the air you breath... Fuck that shit! Stop whining you stupid D.U.M. fucks. My little tiny smoke is not destroying the environment. It is not killing you. But, because I smoke, I get fucking screwed at every turn.

I started smoking when I was 14 years old. Yeah its young and I DO regret it, but it happened. Trying to impress a girl and all that. When I started, a pack of smokes was $3. Whats the price of them now? $10+ WTF! is that. Lets keep raising the price of cigarettes because we all know that those evil smokers wont quit, this way we can make a ton of money off them...We can call it a "sin tax". Ummm, Extortion much. This is our government. The Mob.

Then they take smoking out of restaurants and bars, Unless you have a separate ventilated area. Cool, OK, you can close us away in a little box. Yep, a little small fucking box. Almost every Bar/Restaurant I went to had the tiny little box completely filled with people, with a lineup to get in. While the non-smoking area was....Ummm, where are all the non-smokers? I thought they wanted us out of there so they could enjoy themselves. NO, you fucking bitch whine and complain to get what you want. You don't even know what the fuck you want.

Then to top that off. They take away our little tiny boxes.Yeah that's right, they took them away, just as we were starting to like them! Why?, You ask. Because the waiter/waitress has got to go in there. OK, fine. Fucking whiny ass bitches.

Ok, so now we all have to step outside the door, go outside to have a smoke....Fine I will freeze my ass off, get wet in the rain, whatever I have to do. Just to be understanding. I will be the bigger man and not complain .I wouldn't want anyone to go out of there way for me at all.

"I'm sorry, what was that? I have to stand 10m away from the door to have my smoke?" OK, WTF, So I can't smoke inside or in a little tiny box or outside....Umm, where the fuck can I go?

Now, smoking is a bad thing. It is. It will cause cancer...or so they tell us.

The exhaust from cars cause cancer as well. Much more quickly I might add. Tell you what, I can sit in my car with the windows up, chain smoke an entire pack of smokes and MAYBE feel a little light headed...Now lets route the exhaust of your car into the cab. I give you about 5 Min's before you are dead. Yep that's right D E A D. My cigarette pumps out carbon dioxide/monoxide just like a car does. Only the car does it 10,000 times faster.

Almost everyone has a car...How many smokers are there?

I don't see people complaining about any cars in front of said restaurant. Oh, that's right the cars are outside....Wait, WTF so am I! Why the fuck am I so fucking evil? I'll put money down on the fact that the same people that complain about all us evil smokers own 2+ vehicles. A giant gas guzzling, exhaust spewing SUV. But, my tiny little smoke is killing everyone.

Ever sat back and wondered if people died of all these cancers say 100 years ago, 200 years ago? Sure they did. Not in the numbers people do today. Back then cancer was an uncommon thing. Today people are dropping like flies. It must be the smokes. Wait a minute though, people have been smoking for more then 200 years. Fuck they been lighting up those pipes for at least 3-4000 years. No it must be these filters they have on cigarettes now. Those evil fucking filters!

Could it be the cars? As more cars are put on the road, cancer rates have risen as well. There are less smokers today then there were 20 years ago, but cancer is still on the rise. Oh yeah, fuck silly me, its all that second hand...oh yeah that's right, the only place I can smoke is under my covers, in bed, at home, at 3am. Any other time I may offend someone.

Oh, what was that? Their talking about banning smoking in apartment buildings. So now we can't smoke in our own homes....

I'm not offended. I don't mind being segregated. Labeled a bad person because I like to enjoy my life to the fullest.

"Smoking shortens your life!" So do car accidents, falling bricks, the hamster flu, lightning, choking, drowning and calling your wife fat. Just to name a few.

These same people that complain, I'll bet drink. Well drinking lead to liver disease, drunk driving, waking up next to ugly people, premature aging and social disparity. I say we rally together and kick these bastards out of our bars. They are killing people with their drunk driving, namely us smokers, as we are the one out on the sidewalks and the roads. Targets to be run over!

Run hide!

The day's of our lives

Oh, those fun days of high school. He said, she said.....And all that bullshit. We've all been there. We've all started it or been at the end of it. Or just had to deal with it. I'm gonna start some now.

DRAMA

Oooo, that nasty word that everyone says that they hate. Bull fucking shit, I say. Everyone loves Drama. You and you .....even you, admit it.....fuck you, you do like it!

Everyone has it in their lives. It could be family, friends, work or just some D.U.M. fuck across the street that is always starting shit. Either way, we are all involved. Everyone of us. We are.

Don't believe me?

How many times have you come home to complain about someone at work? How many times have you complained about a Friend that is being retarded? Watched some type of drama movie/T.V. show. Raise your hands......See all of you. You all like Drama. There's no way around it. You are reading this.... and this would be my drama.

I deal with this.....Disease, every day. I have 3 girls in my house, I am the only boy/MAN. That's right feel my pain. My wife has always got something to complain about. She starts going on...and on...and on....about something I care nothing about (mostly work), My eyes glaze over and I go to my spacial place. My work day, 5-10 min conversation. Her work day 1 1/2 hours...only because I put a stop to it at that point.

But then you get that one person that just loves drama. I know a few of them. They are either always the end of it, OR the cause of it. In my opinion (and my opinion is always right), these people are the cause of their own misery. Most times these people just...Don't get it. They say or do things that are just....Wrong. They just don't understand. We all know people like this. No matter what you say to them, how you explain something, they...JUST....DON'T....GET IT.

Ever heard a rumor about yourself? And said,"WTF!?, That's so not true! Who the fuck started that?". You know that "Highschool" shit that none of us like.

I've had this happen to me...many times in fact. Truth to tell I don't really care though. I remember one time in highschool I was accused of getting a girl pregnant.....I was living in a different Province at the time...., but you know, it could happen....not to brag, but hey, I could be a porn star!

OK, I'm gonna put this out there as this is the reason why I am writing this post.

There is some Drama going on between 2 people I know. Its really funny. It's all over, "What time you wake up",...Umm, That's Drama? You ask. Yes, in this case it is, as it has ended a life long friendship. Pathetic you say! Nooooooo, how can that be pathetic? Because someone didn't want to talk on the phone at that given moment? Said person wanted to sleep until 10am. Ugg, So fucking wrong of her. That fucking Bitch. Oh, wait..... She has no kids, She works nights, She was up until 2am+, So wait a minute. 2am till 10am....that would be 8 hours of sleep. Far shy of sleeping in. I would say sleeping in would be 10+ hours of sleep.

Alright though, I will admit that calling at say...9am is an appropriate time to call someone. BUT, if that person does not answer the phone, leave a MSG, Especially if you know that person works nights. If that said person wants to talk to you, they'll call back. Don't leave a MSG on say...uummm....Facebook....I will be the first to say, I leave my browser open on Facebook all the time....all night....all day.....NOT a good Msg'ing service. But some people don't think about these things, so we have to be forgiving. So when the phone is finally answered with,"You just woke me up, I haven't had a Smoke or a Coffee, Fuck off." you need to be forgiving.

1. Never ask a Smoker to be happy first thing in the morning.
2. Never ask a Coffee drinker to be functional first thing in the morning.
3 Don't expect anyone to be in a good mood when you just woke them up early on their day off.

These are my 3 life rules to live by. Follow them....Live by them....They are the Rules!

To ruin a friendship over something as trivial as this...well..I got to say is kinda pathetic. 15+ years of friendship all gone because someone is grumpy first thing in the morning after being woken up on their day off....

Come on, did it really ruin your day that badly to have someone be grumpy to you?

I have been just a bystander through all this. I have been working on this post for a few days so as not to seem...Bias. Just chuckling away at the absurdity of it all.

Until this.

This pissed me off. I got to say, I got really angry at this. It was totally unfair and a shot below the belt.

Person A, has no children. Its a life choice. Her and her husband, enjoy the life they have and don't want to "rock the boat" so to say. They don't want to invest the time or responsibility in having kids. Not to say that they would not be great parents. They are both great with my oldest daughter. They are Auntie and uncle to her. But, they have chosen that kids in their chosen lifestyle is not a good idea. I agree with them. If you are not prepared to have to change how you do EVERYTHING, Kids are not a good idea. Being able to do what you want, when you want, the rewards are great!

Person B, Has 2 kids. I have not met them myself, but i hear they're good kids. This is also a life choice. You have decided to commit your life to these children. This is how it is. Your life is no longer your life....It is theirs.....IT SUCKS!, But hey, the rewards are great!

But to attack someone on the way they have chosen to live their lives is WRONG. It's a dirty move. So disrespectful, I don't even have curse words to fully.....express....my rage at this. And to write about this where the other one can't read it....Well hey, half of drama is talking about people behind their backs isn't it?

I have kids. I love them both dearly. But it is a lot of work. Any parent can attest to this. If you are not willing to "give all you got" to your kids, DON'T HAVE THEM. And if you decide not to have kids, that's great. No one likes to see a child that is not properly taken care of. Whether you can properly take care of them or you can't or wont.

When it come down to it, it is sad to see a friendship go down the tubes over something so trivial....

It's a Girl! (part 2)

So to continue my little tirade, the first part can be found here, I was pulled into the O.R. at 1:08pm. Remembering the last time I did all this (this is our second C-Section), I did NOT look were they told me NOT to look. Last time I got to see just how skin deep beauty goes. I was given a Stool, a not all that comfortable one at that, by my wife's head. I told her she was doing great...not sure she understood at that point though as she was pretty drugged up. I got to say, whatever they gave her gave her a really good, "I am soooo stoned", face. 4 Min's later my daughter was born.

OK, before I go on this next rant about all the "retardedness"( yes I know that's not a word) I would like to say that our surgeon was fantastic. As well as the rest of the staff that participated. Everyone was friendly and in good spirits. Most times these people do this so much that it loses its novelty and it just becomes another day. My Wife and I both thought it was a boy so much so, that we hadn't come up with any girl names. Everyone in the O.R. started throwing out name to us. It was a lot of fun and they made it a very memorable time for us.

Alrighty, now that that is out of the way, on to the retard bashing!

We were then moved to post-op for a stay of 2 hours and made all of our phone calls. I called my 5 year old daughter first to tell her that she is now a big sister. inset; mushy mushy, gush gush.

After about 2 1/2 hours we were moved in to our semi-privet room...My Wife didn't want to spend the extra money on a privet room....much to our dismay. The people that shared our room started off to be very nice. That changed.

They had also had a C-Section. They were right before us. The husband/boyfriend was nice guy....to us anyway. All he did was yell at his Wife the whole time. She was told on her 3rd day there, just before they were able to leave, that she could have a shower. I have gone through 2 of these C-Sections, the one thing these girls want is a shower. 5 Min's after she got in there this asshat is banging on the door telling her to "Get the fuck out here and do something", Yeah, wrong time and place fucknut. My wife and I don't want to listen to you. Shut the Fuck up! On top of that they felt it was a great time to blast their rap music...We all know how I feel about loud music in unnecessary places (here). As well as having 12 people in their little space at 11pm. Holy fuck! Visiting hours end at 9pm. Get the fuck out of here!!!! Bitches!

They were told they could leave at 9am on the 29th. Before you can leave though, your nurse has to check you baby car seat. Make sure the little guy/girl is in there properly. It took this Fucknut 3 time to get it right, all the while being a complete asshole to the nurse. Like it was her fault that he's an idiot.

So finally they were off....After this it was nice and quiet...Well as quiet as it can be with a new born baby.

I know, I know, the second part of this isn't as exciting as the first part. But after having the baby you don't really see anything but the baby...

BTW, Our little girl now has a name, Hunter.....Fuck you it's a girls name too!

It's a Girl!

Hello, I'm Dr. Juice. I'm here to take your temperature.

Yes, that is me in my *scrubs*. I think I make a good looking Doctor. Dr. Juice....has a nice ring to it.

Anyway my daughter was born yesterday....She was supposed to be a He, but hey what can I do? To tell the truth, I did tell them to stick her back in to bake a little longer, as the penis wasn't done yet. But here She is. My little bundle of joy.....shit, piss and lets not forget about the drool. She looks just like me! Dark skin, dark hair....Blue eyes though, I know, I know, that could change. I hope not though, they would really make her standout. Not that I want that mind you...I do have a shotgun and DO know how to use it.....Remember that.....Good life note...

She was born at 1:12pm 6'2".

That's her less then 2 Min's after being pulled out. My wife had a C-Section for our first child, due to complications, so they recommend one for your second. So they pulled her out and cried "It's a girl!" Then went to work on removing the umbilical cord (you can see it in the picture) weighed her measured and so on. She cried for about 2 Min's, then they wrapped her up, handed her to me, and She cuddled into my arms and fell asleep. What a Great kid!

HA! I bet you though it was going to be some sappy ass, "Ohh my new daughter is so cute!", kinda shit.

Fuck That! I got some shit to say. And to tell you the truth, I may not be able to cover it all in this one post. Yeah that's right, I got some shit to rant about.

First off, We had to be there for 10am. OK, No problem. We were there ready to go at 9:45am. Waited in a line up of all of 2 people....Fuck they must have been really busy, as we waited for 20 Min's. So finally we get to the admitting station, they take all my wife information, then ask if we would like to pay for the phone now. If we don't pay now it will be billed to us. $2.50 a day + 3 day stay=$7.75. Sure, we'll pay now. Less to worry about later. So I hand her $8.00. "We don't have change.", She says. WTF do you mean, you don't have change? WTF. You want me to pay for something, but you can't make change? WTF is that? Fuck it! Bill me.

So we get sent through the security doors, to talk to the next nurse that will bring us to our pre-op room. It's 10.15 at this point. "Your rooms not ready yet.", the nurse tells us. Are you fucking kidding me? You tell us to "make sure" we are her by 10am and you don't even have a room ready? OK, stay calm.....She tell us to wait in the waiting room at the end of the hall. So we walk down the hall to the end...WTF there are 3 waiting rooms. Well....what room do we wait in? Fuck it ones as good as another.

10:30 rolls around, and we finally get brought to our room, after being told we were in the wrong room...MAYBE you should have told us what fucking room to wait in, you stupid fucking *^%^$$ %^*(*^&% $%^&$ %*& *&&*

OK, I didn't sleep much the night before all this, I may be a little on edge, just a little....BUT, I kept my cool....Sorta

At this point I have to mention all the notices practically on every wall in the hospital about the H1N1 Swine/Pig/Goat/Hamster Flu.

"Cough into your Sleeve or Armpit, Wash your hands, Stop the spread!"

Do people do this?.....NO....People are fucking gross....I would tell you some of the things I saw, but Even I don't want to hear about it.

Anyhow, our pre-op nurse was great, very nice woman....aside from coughing into her HANDS every 2 Min's....Ummm, yeah have you not seen the signs all over the place? Oh, look there's one on that wall there...to your left....Fuck, I don't want my wife back here in 2-3 weeks with that Hamster flu shit.

Our (my wife's) C-Section is scheduled for 12:00 noon. The nurse tell us that things are slow so we should probably get in early, more like 11:30. Hey, that's fantastic! The excitement is killing us! 12:15 they finally come to get us.
"OK, baby time!", we are told. Right on, lets get this show on the road!

They take us down to the O.R. room
"Humm, wheres the O.R. Nurse?", The woman says, and leaves us in the hall waiting.....again.
She returns shortly after with another Nurse, She laughs while telling us, that she forgot that there was another C-Section (there was a couple before us, had a girl too, cute kid.) So the O.R. wasn't prepared at all....

OK, stay calm....Don't lose your cool....Be funny fun loving guy....

They take my wife in so she can talk to them while they are getting the room ready and I am told to wait outside. So I waited....and waited....for a what seemed like for fucking ever! They Finally came to get me almost an hour later...Things started at 12:15, the baby was birthed at 1:12....

About fucking time.

I do have more to say, Trust me. But its now 12:30am and I have to be back at the hospital for 6am to help my wife....if I'm not she'll kill me. So this will be a,

"To Be Cont."

Turn down your fucking music

OK, let's see. I've talked about D.U.M. people (always a favorite subject of mine), Stupid people (yes, there is a difference), my new cat....What else.....Hummmm.....I got it!


Respect

There are way too many fuckers out there that just have no respect at all. I'm talking about the real fucking asshats. Take for instance my neighbors. I live in a townhouse condo. Each house is a big square and each home is a corner of said square. So I share a wall with two of my neighbors. My one neighbor is fantastic. She is a single black mother with 2 kids. Fantastic woman. Very rarely do we hear any sound from them. Never bothersome. Now the fucker that lives behind me is an asshat from hell. Real fucking fucktard. We share our living room wall as well as our master bedroom wall. Now this fucker seems to think that his living room is a Reggie concert hall. It wouldn't be a problem if it was once in a while. Once or twice a month....once or twice a week.....Noooo, This fucker has to play it almost everyday/night! Now anyone who knows Reggie knows that it is full of bass. Lot and lots of bass, and this guy has a good system. Hey, you got a good system crank it, by all means, But for fuck sakes not every day! Not a 6am, WHAT THE FUCK! (yeah, I had to spell out that one!) Come on, what you have no fucking T.V., No fucking head phones. This guys music is so fucking loud, When I'm wearing MY headphones listing to MY music (and I have it at ear bleeding levels) I can hear this Fucknuts music.

Go over say something to this disrespectful idiot, you say? Been there done that. We've called the Cops....Gets turned down 3-6 hours later when the cops finally get there. Not blaming the police at all. I know they have better things to do, *cough*donuts*cough*. They tell me that I have let my condo corp know. So I E-mailed my condo rep. He told me they would send a letter telling him to keep it down.

He did keep it down for about a month, then it slowly started to get louder and louder. What did he think, that we wouldn't notice? Is this guy fucking retarded?

Ever hear of the boiled frog experiment? If you put a frog in boiling water it tries to get out, I sure it dies though! Yeah I know its mean. BUT, if you put the frog in cold water and slowly boil it the frog never moves. It slowly boils to death.

Frog legs anyone?

I am not a frog.

Off goes the 4th, yes 4th letter to our condo people. What do they tell us this time. They will send a letter, BUT, we should get in contact with the police...WTF, last I checked, "NO, loud music, sounds etc.," were in our condo rules. So let me get this straight. I pay almost $200 a month for you to tell me to call the cops.

I don't think there are expletives for me to vent my anger with at this moment


OK, Your telling me that you can't do anything? Fuck that, Fuck you and Fuck this shit. I know you can do something. At the very start of summer my wife and I were doing some much needed spring cleaning. After finding what looked like a failed science experiment in the back of our fridge, we put that particular garbage bag outside our front door. We have a big community garbage bin a few houses down from us. When we were ready to take out all the garbage, it had started to pour. So we decided to wait until the next day to take the 3-4 bags we had. So when I got up the next morning at 6am for work I decided I would be nice to my wife and take it all out myself before I left for work, yeah yeah, I know, I'm a good husband. When taking it out I see we have a letter stuck to our door. It's from our condo corp. It read, "This is your first garbage infraction, your next infraction you will be fined $75." OK, Don't get mad....I am in control of the situation....Count to ten.....alright I understand we all want to keep our community looking good. It was a mistake, but I.....under....stand.... So, you can fine me $75 for a garbage bag left outside my front door for less the 8 hours, but you can't do anything to the guy who breaks the rules on a daily basis....Fucked? I think so. At this point I would like to point out that our neighbors. who live directly across from us, there front door faces our front door and is about 12' away, always have a ton of shit in front in front of their house. Garbage bags, cardboard boxes, candy wrappers, newspapers...etc. We have sent in complaints to our condo corp about this, and what has been done about it I ask? Jack Fucking Squat! That's what. So I can get fined but they can't, Ummm, Why the fuck is that? Did I miss a memo or something.

"If you care about how the outside of you home looks, and have respect for the fact that your neighbors don't want to be listing to your music, you have to follow our rules. BUT, If you don't give a shit about how your home and your neighbors home looks and couldn't give a flying fuck that you share a wall with someone who has small children. You can blast your music and throw your garbage around with no consequence."

This is the impression I get. Wouldn't you?

To make things even better, this fucknut asked me this summer if he could borrow my weed eater.....Ummmm, Fuck you..... Tell you what, I'll give him my weed eater.....Maybe not in the way he thinks though.

I thought it was mine?

Well the wife has kept me busy, in preparation for the new baby (see Here). Well OK not really, I've just been lazy and tired. I figure I might as well be as lazy as I can now.

But I do have a new topic that I can rant about. It's one that affect everyone at one time or another. People have killed over it. It's the one thing that everyone wants. Will start a huge fight over. That's right....I'm talking about the T.V. remote.

It doesn't matter who you are with, Family, friends, hell if your cat likes the T.V. you could be screwed.

In my house the fighting isn't too bad. First I have to give some background though.

The way my house used to be setup was that I had control of the whole basement. It was my fortress of solitude, My home inside my home. I had complete control. My computer desk was down there, I had my very own Beer fridge (all hail the Beer fridge) and a small 20" T.V. Oh my little T.V. I loved that T.V. I played all my games on it, watched movies on it...Memories....

Our Big T.V. was upstairs, It was a 27". So that's the one my wife and daughter would watch. It had the good DVD player and all that good stuff hooked up to it.

The my "Nemeses" got a BIG screen, a 42"...OK...I can deal with that, a little jealous, but I'll live.....Fuck that! OK, its on. Mine will be BIGGER! So I talked it over with the wife. NO. That's right she said the dreaded N word.
"What do you need a big T.V. for? You don't watch T.V."
"So", I reply. "I watch movies. A lot of movies." I hate regular T.V., Gimme a 2 hour movie, no matter how crappy it is and I'll watch that before I watch some crappy ass 1/2 hour sitcom. The odd 1 hour show I will watch, but overall, movies are where it's at.
"You are NOT getting a new T.V."

A month later my new T.V. arrived. A nice 47" 1080p LCD. OH, I'm in heaven! The giant goodlynees of it. I got one of those bad ass LCD screen remotes with it too. BAD ASS!
"It's so gaudy!" Gaudy? WTF is wrong with this woman?
"How is it, Gaudy?"
"It's so big. It's unnecessary. Total wast of money."

Yeah, I said that too, she IS fucked!

"Nemeses" had a wall mount, that he couldn't use as he lives an a apartment building. So he was nice enough to give it to me. Nice! Not only do I have a giant T.V. But, I have it hanging on my wall! This is sweet. I can watch all my movies in high def, Play all my video games in high def. This is the life.

WTF. Suddenly the wife is in MY basement, Watching MY T.V., WTF is this? This is MY gaudy T.V., remember. It's so big and ugly.

Now at this point MY basement has become, OUR basement....WTF. I don't want to share. I need my own guy space. A wife and a daughter, my house is full of estergin. I need a mans area. No girls allowed! If I want to play a video game on MY T.V. I now have to ask....That's right I have to ask....Stay calm....I am in control of the situation.........................................

Now because my wife and I were downstairs all the time doing our thing, my daughter was upstairs doing her thing....Not a really good family setting.

Alright, lets move "MY" T.V. upstairs, as well as my computer desk. That way we will all be in the same room all the time. FUN! Yeah, that right I now have to SHARE a room with two girls...Feel my pain. OK, so I lost my T.V. to America's next top model....Topie and Benoo....and plenty of other CRAP, that they fill prime time with...WTF! What happened to my "gaudy" T.V.

I swear i can hear it crying some nights. I tell it it will all be OK one day.

To top it all off My wife starts complaning that I spend too much time on my computer.
"Your always playing video games!", OK, lets see whats on the boob tube. Reba...Um, no....Signfeild...Um, Double Fuck that! Top model, Paris Hilton BFF, make me a supermodel, so you think you can dance....Fuck that shit! K, lets see if there's anything on that I can tollerate...Mythbusters....No, she says. Oohh, Aliens is on! Um, no thanks. WTF is wrong with Aliens? That was a great movie. OK, Look The Terminator. GUESS what she said.

So why the Fuck did she ask me to watch T.V. with her, I won't watch any of that gay ass shit, and she wont watch anything that is actually good. Back to my computer I go.

So at this point I have lost my T.V..........My basement.........My Beer fridge......My manly freedom.....

I'm Gonna be a Daddy!...Again...

Well it a new day...OK it the end of this new day, but hey I write when I write.

It was made aware today that I will be a daddy on Oct. 27th at 12:00pm, Yeah that's right I can now see into the future! OK, maybe not but it's always fun to dream. No, I know because my wife has her c-section scheduled for that day.

I was told by my best friend "Nemeses" (his name is a closely guarded secret. He is real though, I swear) The Wife called him about 2 hours left to go in our day at work. As we don't work together, he couldn't tell me until the end of our day. So "F.U.nny" him, He decide to scare the fuck out of me. He walks up to me with 5 mins left before we punch out for the day, and tells me that my wife called him 5 mins ago and I'm about to be a dad. "WTF!" I say, "Holy shit, we got to go!" The fucking buttmunkey burst out laughing. Laughing! What a fucking dipshit! One of these days he's gonna find his fucking car missing....Yes, I have keys to his car...

He then informs me, it will be next Tuesday. Next Tuesday! Holy shit! I was expecting at least two more weeks! I still have to finish the baby's room! We need a crib mattress! We are going to need more dipares! A case of Beer! A bottle of Rum!....Wait those last two are for me....Pheww....Breath... I can do this again....

It had better be a boy. I can't handle anymore fucking princess and Barbie crap. I need a boy, someone who has my back in my house. If it comes out a girl, I'm sticking it back in to bake some more.

If it is a boy, my Wife asked if we will be circumcising him.
"Uhhh, yeah." I reply. I don't know how to take care of a uncircumcised "member".
"How hard can it be. Pull it back, clean, done." OK, sound logic, but I pose this question. I can whip it out and pee, all without touching it at all. Do you have to pull it back to pee if your uncircumcised?

Yes, I know, too much information. But as Nemeses says,"I'm a crew cut kinda guy, I don't like turtle necks." NO, he's not gay. Sounds gay, but he's not...Far as I know.

The best part of knowing when my Son/NOT Daughter will be born, is that I get to pick and choose what days I take off from work. You see, I only have 3 or 4 sick days I can take. Do I take them while the wife is still in the hospital and get some things done around the house...OR...do I wait till Her and the baby come home and help out then. The latter being three times as much work. Work around the house, helping with the baby, helping the wife....Oh, the hard decisions in life...

The best part about having a second child is that you can avoid all the mistakes you made with the first one....Like spoiling the fuck out of her...Yeah, My daughter is spoiled rotten. This kid has everything. I remember being a kid and having a few dinky cars to play with. My Mom did her best to give my brother and I EVERYTHING we could possibly want, But she was a single mom with two boys. I know, someone really hated her! But she worked her ass of and spent every penny on my brother and I. We almost always got the one thing we wanted for Christmas, maybe not much more, but the one thing we wanted, we got.

I have to put a blurb in here about Moms. I'll go more in depth about this in a later post (more then likely mothers day)

Moms are the greatest people on earth. Period. They do everything for you. Doesn't matter the cost to them. Period. My wife is a great mom. She may not think so, but she is great. My daughter couldn't ask for someone better. She is there for anything my daughter needs. Is always willing to play (more then I can say for myself)

My mother and I are very close. We have our disagreements, every family does, but when all is said and done it's in the past. I don't talk to my Mom as much as I should, Nor do I visit her with my daughter as much as I should. I know, I'm an Evil Fucknut of a Fucking Fuck (I can see my Mom cringing at my foul language) . But, I hate the phone (Fucking Gramme Bell) and I'm a lazy fuck that hates to go anywhere.

None the less, I love my mom. She is the one person that I will always forgive when she is wrong and I am right. (Or vise verse) At least I think she forgives me,....She is a woman, forgives but never forgets...

But, Back to the topic at hand, I want to be a Daddy again. First steps, First words, Firsts. We all love firsts....makes us all go, Awwww!

I'm ready for this. The laughing, giggling, drool....puke........shit............Diapers...............Diapers.................Diapers................Oh god help me..........





I know, not my usual tirade of cursing and calling the retards of the world "fucktards". But, we all have to write about something nice every now and then.....

I'll make it up with my next post.

The evils of shopping

So it's my one and only day off this week and I woke up early. Yeah that's right no sleeping in for me. 7:30am my eye's opened and would not close again. But, no big deal. I will survive.

So I crawled/fell out of bed with the intentions of doing nothing today. I almost succeeded. Minus having to make coffee...twice, I had to do some grocery shopping. Now, unlike most guys I know I like shopping for food. You wouldn't think so by looking at me as I'm a skinny little fuck, But I love my food. I also love to cook. So walking around in a grocery store to me is like a wonderland of discovery.

BUT, I Fucking hate other shoppers. People are just Fucking retarded in these cornucopia's of foodly goodness.

Why would you park your cart at the very end of an isle, sideways so no one can pass. On top of that let's leave our 1y/o child in the cart and walk away to another isle. Now lets say I did this hypothetically. If I came back and saw someone who dresses like me moving off with MY cart with MY child in it, I would fucking freak out. What the fuck is this weird ass guy doing with my child!?

This is the situation I came up against today. WFT, who the hell leaves a small child unattended, blocking the end of an isle? After some looking around I finally find the owner of this kid.

"You wanna move your cart?" I ask.

"Give me a min, I'm busy." he replies, not even looking at me...Excuse me....Your busy? Fuck you you little fucking fuck of a fuck. OK..., Breath..., I tell myself. You have your daughter with you. Set a good example. You are in control of the situation.

"Well your cart is blocking the isle, can you please move it."

Once again without looking at me, he replies,"I said, I'm busy." none to nicely either.

OK, wrong fucking answer fucktard. I'm not exactly a big guy or anything far from it. I'm 6'1" about 140-150lbs. But the way I dress I can be intimidating. I am a metal head. Big boots, Band shit, etc. This guy is maybe 5'4" 100lbs soaking wet with a brick in his pocket. Looking back to see what my daughter is doing, I see she is grabbing a few boxes of Kraft Dinner. Perfect!

Leaning forward, I calmly say,"If you don't move your cart, your face is going to become a part of it." He finally turns to face me, with a scowl on his face. First looking at my chest, his eye's move slowly up to my face. I could tell he was about to say something, probably something along the lines of, "Fuck you" but he smartly kept his mouth shut. Suffice to say he moved his cart.

Now I do have to admit, that this very rarely happens to me. My best friend gets to do this kinda stuff all the time. The guy is huge. Not the type of person you fuck with at all. But for me, I have to pick and chose my battles. Oh, the glory. Fucking fucktard. That's right move your shit! Bitch!

All this and my daughter saw nothing. Fantastic!

So moving on,as my little girl and I are walking through the store we can hear a couple have a pretty good argument. Everyone in the store could here these people for a good ten min's. We were grabbing some pop, when the couple comes up behind us. They are having an argument about money. Not the best place to argue but hey, in the heat of the moment, one place is as good as another. My problem was the language spilling from this guys mouth. My virgin ears! OK....So I swear with the best of them, but not in front of children. The odd cruse pops out, sorry, but as a whole, I have respect for the fact that this is the type of language our kids should not know. Until they learn it at the playground.

I turn to the guy and say,"Hey, you mind watching your language, There are kids around." Pointing to my daughter.

"Fuck you and your daughter!" He says. Oh...No...You...DIDN'T!! You wanna say shit like that to me, Fine. But never, ever,FUCKING EVER, say that shit to my daughter! As he is say this to me, The manager of the store is walking up to him. Before I can retaliate the manager is asking him to leave. His attention is then taken away from me and he starts to argue with him.Fuck! Oh what I wouldn't have given to say my piece to this fucknut. WTF is wrong with people. Come on, saying that shit to a kid! This guy needs a good fucking ass whooping. I would have given my left nut to be the one who did it.

Finally, I've gotten everything on my list. Time to get the fuck out of this hell hole. I find the shortest line. Yeah shortest line...that's right I get the line that not only does the cashier have to call for a price check, but the 1000 year old woman paying for it all has to pay in pennies...OK you ant to pay in change, Cool, I understand. But do me one favor. If you know you will be paying with a bunch of change.

HAVE THAT FUCKING CHANGE READY!!!!

Holy fuck, What the fuck is wrong with you. You know what every grocery store need is a Senior citizens line. Call it the "Slow ass old people with nothing but pennies line"

God, people are fucked! Next time I got shopping, My daughter stays at home. Give me a little bit more leeway....

We're all odd

So I had to work today. Yeah I know it's Sat. Trust me if it was my choice, I would have been sitting at home, Drinking a Beer and playing a video game. Or cleaning...my wife is demanding I know. But no, I had to go in to work to bank some hours for my winter shifts. I know it sounds odd, but its how shit goes where I work. So I was in the shop doing some body work on one of our trucks (my best friend and I are the body work guys there). It was just myself and one other guy in the shop, so it made for a boring day with not to much conversation. So the mind starts to turn in on itself.

You know what I mean. You start to think about some weird ass shit. I'm sot sure what other people think about, But I came up with some things Odd/weird fucked up things that people do. By the time I got home I had forgotten even thinking about this, but as I was sitting down having a Beer, I started talking to my cat "Kitten"(that would be her name. I know, ridiculous....blame my wife). Now as some of you may have read I have recently acquired a new kitten, and I would guess that after spending so much time with the little guy I haven't spent as much time with my other cats.

Kitten is a very odd cat. I have had her since the day she was born. Hell, she was born under my bed! Yeah gross, I know Before she was spayed, she would go into heat every two weeks. You ever had a cat that goes into heat? OMG annoying. All she did was yowl at the top of her lungs for a week. So it went a week of yowling, then a week off. So at the time My best friend and I hated her. Our solution. Nerf darts. Yeah that's right, we would shoot the little bitch every time she made a peep. Yes,I know it was wrong. But hind sight is 20/20.

Soooo, because of this she very rarely is seen, much less touched. But, for some fucked up reason she now loves me. I mean this cat wont leave me alone. My wife can be petting her and one snap of my fingers and she is in my lap. She sleeps at my feet at night, and wakes up with me in the morning.

Now we have a new kitten, who "Kitten" (I know confusing) does not like at all. She hate the little guy. So she hasn't slept in my bed in about 2 weeks now. Hasn't come near me at all in a while in fact. But tonight, Holy Shit, Withdraws. She wont leave me alone. All is forgiven.

OK, so I'm way of topic here. My point of this whole ramble was the fact that I had a conversation with this cat. Yeah I'm sure you have all talked to your pets before, But would you talk to say a fish? I do. I love my fish. I sit down in my chair, that faces my 2 tanks and talk to them, find out how their day was.

So this got me to thinking. Am I....odd...weird...No not at all. Lot's of people talk to their animals/plants/mirrors. But what other odd things do people do.

How about collecting Transformers? I mean hardcore collecting. Not odd you say. What about painting your own? How about giving yourself a transformer name?

I am talking about my best friend, and HARDCORE transformer geek. This guy is Encyclopedia Transformer. He has got a ton of these little dolls, Shhhh, don't tell him I called them dolls. He is the mod of a transformers site. This guy is Fucking Obsessed! Like WTF there toys! I do have to admit that I like playing with them when I go over to his place. Every time I leave they are all in one big group orgy. Optimus is taking it up the rear by Megatron, Bumblebee is blowing Starscreem. Oh, the shear joy. What makes it even more fun in the fact that it's usually a day or two before he notices. Then I get a text MSG or a phone call with him telling me I'm an asshole. "WTF, I thought you were supposed to play with toys...Oh,I play with the toys. Not the toys play with themselves." It's just to good. I get a good laugh out of it and my wife gets a good laugh (his wife laughs too, but that's a secret, shhhh)

My point is is that we all have some weird thing we do. Some odder( is that even a word?) then others. We can laugh at each other about them. But come on.....Playing with dolls?

Just to make things better, This guy is 6'4" about 220lbs and very intimadating....sorta....as long as he leaves his dolls at home.....

He is my best friend though. I wouldn't trade him for anything.

Clean that shit up!

Well I have to admit, I'm coming to a loss of what to write about. That's right I don't really have to much to say. Well that's kinda a lie. I could tell you about the jackass that wouldn't let me over into his lane even though my lane was ending. Big Truck + Little Car = You lose. But, I covered that already. Yes there are a ton of stupid ass drivers out there, to point a finger at all the idiots is just silly. Silly I say.

But wait...Is that an Idea forming in the back of my skull... .... .... no it's just a headache .... No, no it is an IDEA!

DOG SHIT

Clean that shit up! WTF is wrong with people. Not a single person out there like to step in a big 'ol pile of dog shit. And everyone has. Scraping that crap off your shoe is something no one wants to do. WTF!

OK, OK, you don't have to clean the shit in your own backyard on a regular basis. That I understand. I have a big dog...OK, well he'd not that big, he's just really furry. D.U.M. as fuck too, but he's family. so I'll keep him. I'll admit I don't clean up his shit all the time. I do really good during the summer months, as we spend time in our backyard. I don't wanna be back there smelling shit. And the flies it attracts, WOW, it's like a smartie to a fat kid....well fuck any kid for that matter.

No, I mean the shit you dog takes in a public place. ie; a park, someone Else's lawn, a dog run, anywhere that you don't OWN!

At this point I'm sure you have guessed that I steeped in a big 'ol pile of shit.

Ha! Your Wrong! Take that!

No, I was able to avoid it just in time. Mind you it wasn't all that hard when you come across an area that has about a dozen "poops" in it. I'm not talking about A dozen small little shit either. Not even big. These were left by Bigfuckingfoot! Holy shit! Do dog's come in that size? These thing were fucking huge! WTF is this guy feeding this dog? How the fuck big is this dog? I'm sorry, But Holy shit that shit is huge! The piles were so big, that me and the guys (and girl) that work with me stood there making comments about them.

Obviously this guy is taking his dog to work. Hey, that's cool. I would love to take my dog to work. So he knows that his dog is gonna have to do his "dooty". Hey, once again, your dogs got to go, your dogs got to go. But PICK THAT SHIT UP! Don't leave it there. WTF is wrong with you? You think it's just going to go away? How hard is it to bring a plastic bag to pick it up...Maybe a shovel in this guys case, but still. It's not that hard. So it's warm. So what, it's a little squishy. When a little kid falls on it at the park it will still probably be warm and squishy AND all over his/her hands.

Alright, here's another point. I your dog shits on my lawn, there's not a whole lot I can do about it, Other then yell at you and call you an asshole. Then I have to clean it up. BUT, if I shit on your lawn I could possibly go to jail and I would have to clean it up...Huummmm sounds a little shitty to me. So its OK to let a dog do it, but not a person. Why? Cause you would see my ass? Cause you would see the weird look on my face as I squeeze out that little turd? I don't know if you, the person reading this, has ever watched a dog take a crap, but they get a look of shear joy on their faces as well.

When it comes down to it, Clean up your dogs shit. No one wants to step in it...see it....have it lit on fire on their front porch...

No animals were harmed in the writing of this blog.

A day in the life of me.

That's right I'm gonna bore you with the details of my avarage day. You see, most of you think you know how an average day in Juiceworld must be. Wake up, work, play video games,drink beer, go to sleep...Well OK thats sorta right, but there is more to it then just that.

6:00 am

I wake up to the best theme song out there, "Eye of the tiger" Come on, who would want to be woken up to a song like that. After I finaly fall out of bed, I'm ready to run up (or down in my case) a flight of stairs throwing my fist into the are and yell,"COFFEE" now all I need is a big statue of my in my kitchen. But before all that I proceed to hit the snooze button about 4 times. Makeing my wife listen to that song a total of 5 times everyday. One of these days she's gonna snap.I can see the headlines now. "Wife kills husband to rocky theme!"

6:20 am

I roll/fall out of bed. Depending on how indulgent I got with my Beer the night before, this is when I descover if I have a hangover headache. Most times I don't...I did this morning though. I then surch my room for my work clothes....Where the fuck are my work clothes....I droped them right here last night. After surching for 5 mins and finding everything, I try to dress myself. Ever try to put on body long johns in the dark? Not an easy chore. After taking my legs out of the sleaves of said long johns, i get everything else on and head down to the kitchen.

6:25 am

I get into the kitchen , throw my hands in to the air "Adrian....uh shit no, COFFEE!!!!".Did the wife put Coffee on the night before? Thankfully yes (most times she does). I then get my lunch together. This is a pretty easy chore as my wife makes my lunch. I used to but my lunch everyday a work, but the little lady want us to save a bit of money so I told her, "You make my lunch, I'll take it and eat it." So she makes it for me. I got to tell you she makes some bad ass sandwadges!

6:31

Contomplate calling in sick....One sick day used so far this year....got 5 more.....Fuck.....Shit....Maybe....

6:32

Well I'm in my car at this point, turning the diel to 102.1 the edge. I love that radio station. The edge files are a hoot. Hearing about some douche who thought it would be a good idea to take a mold of his rectom using cement....yep that right it happend....you can laugh at this point...Oh look, a dickhead I need to flip the bird couse he just cut me off even though there is no one else on the road. I once again ask at this point, WTF is wrong with people.

6:59 am

I get to work. I'm gunna leave my work day for a seperate blog another time.

5:00 pm

I get home. Home...I love home time...the smell of freah baked bread, children laughing... Oh wait thats not my house...What house is that.....Oh yeah, marta stuart, my mistake. No I get attacked by a 4' terror I call a daughter. "DADDY!!!!" I haven't even closed the door yet, and I have a munchkin attached to my leg....Fortunatly she has no fear of a punting across the house(see my kitten blog if your confused) After hearing about my daughters day, it can be really confusing let me tell you, I sit down with the wife to hear about her day....2 mins after she starts her mom calls...20 mins later I am once again summond to hear about her day...2 mins later her aunt calls...20 mins later I am once again summond.
"No more phone calls?" I ask, she shakes her head laughing. She at this point proceeds into a 45min detailed story about her day. It's always the same story too. Her co-workers are trying to distroy her.

Why do our signifacant others work story's have to be so long? Like really. If something supper funny happened, tell me. Something huge, Tell me....Anywho it wont change. She watches my eyes glaze over but she keeps on talkng. Most times by this point I have had 2 or 3 Beers so I'm armored to listen for a little while.

I then get to play some video games....MMMmmm video games...lol I got to admit I even wrote that slow for effect, so read it slow, so that the effect works.

Yeah I'm a "Gamer" also a "Pirate" but, Shhhh on the last one. I go around killing so zombies of terriorts or whatever the hell I am killing in my current game. Se I was smart when I married my wife. She is not a big computer person, So I get to hog the hell out of my computer and not feel guilty...Until I was D.U.M. enough to get my daughter her first computer game...Fuck what a bad idea that was. Now its a fight between her and i for computer time. Ever try to make a deal based on time with someone who can't tell time? "7:05 is NOT 7:00 daddy, you can have the computer at 7:00" WTF now my daughter is tell me what to do! I need anouther Beer...

Hugs and kisses time, The kid is going to bed! Every parents favorite time of night.

Now I can sit down and relax....Fuck 10:30pm

Time for bed....

My wife can cook....Sorta...

My wife can cook...well...sorta. Lol, well she can now anyway. When I first met my wife water wasn't safe. No pot went un charred

She has been very sensitive about this, since I first started living with her. My best friend and I used to make fun of almost everything she made. That probably didn't help her wanting to learn but, COME ON, who can't make fun of someone who drains the broth out of soup.

That's right She drain the broth out of my chicken noodle soup. She says she doesn't like the broth (she hates soup). OK, I can buy, that but when she made it it was for me. I like the broth. I was sick at the time. One of the only times in 20 years I might add. But anyway. I asked her to make me some Chicken Noodle. I walk in the kitchen 10-15 min"s later to see her draining the broth into the sink through a colander. "WTF are you doing?" I ask in horror.
"I don't like the broth.", she answers.
"Your not eating it!"
At that she got really embarrassed. I can understand why, this is the way she has always made it for herself. But, I got to make fun of her for it. Shut up you would too and you know it.

Shortly after we got married. Second best night of my life. My (basically) brother got us a bread maker for a gift. I got to say I love that thing. But any way, She decided to make some banana bread. . . ...Wow it...was...great...as a door stop. Nemeses (my basically brother) Accidentally dropped it on the floor (I don't think it was an accident) and I swear it cracked the floor. But As I said it mad a Great door stop.

This bring us to her "shoe lace chicken" This was a join effort between my wife and Nemesis's wife....Shoe lace...nuff said...

But at this point I have to tell you that all this has changed. She has really put in a superb effort. At this very moment all I can smell is a pork roast cooking in a red wine sauce....MMMmmmmm wine sauce....I have to admit that she has made a massive improvement. She puts in a real effort when she cooks food for me. Yes, I said for me. Half the time she doesn't even eat what she cooks. She hates pork, pasgetti, MEAT, potatoes...Who the Fuck hates potatoes?!

When it comes's down to it. I know she loves me. That's what matters. She try's so hard to make everything as well as I do.

I have to say.... I think she may be a better cook then me...



(Edit) I take it all back... Someone forgot to take my slow cooker off the stove... it no longer has a knob....