Grandma's Rule!

Ever sit back and think about what you want to be like when you get old and wrinkly. Come on, I know you have. Everyone talks about it when they are kids. Pretending to be some old fart saying, "Come here sonny." I don't know about you, but I have never said "sonny", and I no longer thing 30 is old. Darth..., Sorry I meant the wife, and I were talking about this tonight.

I want to be just like the one person in my family That was really really great. My grandmother.

No, I don't want to be some old lady when I get old.

My Grandmother (Nanny to me) was the meanest most crotchety foul mouthed woman you would ever meet. And I loved her to death. I am almost certain that I learnt my first...and second...fuck probably all of my swear words from her. She was blunt and to the point. If you didn't like it, "Fuck you, in full stereo!"

I mean really, my grandmother was the type of little old lady that would make a biker blush. If she had something on her mind, you and everyone around knew it instantly. I remember one time she had taken a friend of mine and myself to a restaurant for lunch. This was a small town place, the town had about 50 people. Yeah that small, about 15 tables in all. Squished all together. We might as well been eating at the same table. So we're sitting there chatting it up, typical teenage stuff, When out of now where grandma blindsides my buddy.

"You know-insert name-, Your fat."

The whole restaurant want silent. It was golden. Don't get me wrong I was embarrassed for my buddy, but DAM only an old person could get away with that. What was he supposed to say? Fuck you. No, he had to sit there, pull his jaw off the floor and pretend nothing happened.

She was like this with everyone. She once told my wife she was spoiling my daughter. Darth...I mean my wife replied, "I'm doing her hair." Classic. At this point I knew that I wanted to be just like her when I grew up.

I want to live by her philosophy. Fuck what anyone thinks. If they don't like it, they can sit and rotate. In full stereo. (her favorite line).

Don't get me wrong, she was also the greatest grandmother anyone could ask for. She would help me out with anything. Was always great for a good conversation and could cook up a storm (what grandmother can't cook).

So as I make my way through life, I always try to remember my foul mouthed Grandmother.
What would grandma say?

Fuck you!

Yeah, that how I want to be when I get old. I wanna sit on my front porch and throw things and young people as they walk by.... .... .... Hell I want to do that now, but I'm not old, therefor could be held accountable for my actions.