Happy Turkey Day

What a great day so far! No D.U.M. people to speak off.....Well at least so far today. I got to sleep in! That never happens! My wife and I stayed up late last night watching Bullshit. Anyone that knows my wife knows that bedtime for her is like 7pm..... Assuming she had no afternoon nap. My daughter stayed with Grandma last night so it was nice and quiet. So as I said we slept in until 9am woke up and had some Coffee......MMMmmmmm Coffee. I sat back doing some of my 3D artistry, waiting to go to Grandma & Grandpa's. We got there and my wife's whole family was there. Ate a whole bunch of TURKEY! I LOVE turkey, soooooo gooood.....makes you tired though. More so after a beer or two. So we left a little more then 2 hours later, with full bellies, to come home to a nice nap....or so I thought.

The WIFE decided that we were going to clean our bedroom...WTF it's Turkey day! Why the hell do I have to work on Turkey day? Not only do I have to clean it, but I have to move two dressers...Holy fuck this just keeps getting better...OK I can take a nap after all this work, it'll be even better by then.

OK I finished the bedroom....NAP TIME!!!!! whats that little daughter of mine, the fish tank what about it? I promised you could help me clean it... ... ... ... ... O....k....This shouldn't take too long. Drain a bit of water, clean the gravel, fill it back up, 1/2 hour tops. There we go kiddo, all clean! Whats that I said we would change the lights on it too... But....We have to go to the store to do that.....

So we get to the store 20 mins later. We look around for the bulbs I want to get, should be $5-6 bucks each...Holy fuck $22, you got to be shitting me. OK then chippie ass regular bulbs it is then. 2 for $7. We get home and I realize this is not going to be a quick job. I have to take the canopy off the tank....by myself. this thing is 5' by 2' And not light....after a bit of a struggle i get it off. OK now time to change out the fixture, replace with the new one....Fuck I gotta put it back on....after more struggling I got the fucking thing back on. "Let's see how it looks, Kiddo!" God Dame it, looks like shit! Fucking cheep ass bulbs....Cheep ass wife....OK I can fix this. not today though I want my NAP!

NAP time here I come! Whats that? I have to help get Pumkin ready to go to her Auntie's for the night?....O....K....

It's now 6:30pm, No point in taking a nap now.

I'll sit down for a quiet night and watch a movie or something....

Whats that?.....The kitchen needs to be cleaned.....Kitty litter..........

I need a day off....



Happy Thanks Giving

Our New Kitten

Well I've been reading through the posts I have made so far, Laughing at my own wittiness. Yes, I have an ego, I am a man after all. And I got to say I give off the impression that I am a compleatly negitive dick that can't see the good that there is in this world.

There are some good things out there , in the words of my favorite Radio host; Kittens,Baby's, Nipples and BEER.

I have a new kitten. I called him Lucky. I named him that as he is lucky to be alive. He was a yard cat. He was born in the yard of the shop that I work at that is full of dangerous equipment, Poisons and other misc. things that could quite possably kill as small animal. Getting to work at 6:30am to have a coffee and a smoke with the guys before we start work, I was just chillin, chatting it up when out of the blue, this little fur ball comes hurling out of the darkness from under a table. Attaching itself to my leg, my first instict is OMG WTF is this, GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF! Almost punting him clear across our yard I see what it is. I reach down and pluck him off my leg (first mistake). He's so tiny, Cute and cuddley. Ok I have 2 cats, a dog, a 50g saltwater fishtank and a 125g cichlid tank....I don't need anouther animal....FUCK.....God dame it why did he have to be so fucking cute. Now He's lucky I took him home.

OK I'll call the wife see what she say's.........OK bad idea she'll say no, But....if i just.....bring....him...home....

So I walk in the door with this little guy. The wife looks at me. WTF is that. NO, NO, NO, NO....all while petting him.....Did I mention how cute he is. Then my daughter saw him. HA, I win he stays. Can't take the little guy away from her now can I.

Wait a min... I don't like cats....My wife likes cats, I like dogs. Where's my dog, "Come Ben, Where are you buddy?" Fucking dog is with the cat. For fuck sakes the dog even likes the cat. What have I done.

I have to hold the cat for a while....Little guy likes to be held.....OOooooo he's purring........Wait WTF am I doing. This little thing is gonna distory my couch.....well, I do have a baby on the way he'll distory it too....OMG WTF am I saying why the hell am I defending this little cat? It's a cat. All they do is eat, shit.....Awww look he's attacking a sock...........

I hate Cats

WTF is wrong with people

I gonna start this one off by saying that People these days have no Respect. Not a shred. No one says thank you anymore. People don't hold open a door for anyone. If I'm driving in heavy traffic and someone needs over into my lane but there is no space, I'll slow down a bit to give said person room to come over. What do I get in return. Fuck All. What you can't give a simple wave to say, "Hey, thanks for letting me in." Noooooo, that's to much to do. Lazy ass fuck. But I'll tell you this, if the roles were reversed, but I forced my way in front of the other car, I'm sure he wouldn't mind waving a finger. So you can wave a finger that is attached to your hand to say fuck you, but to wave a thanks is just to fucking much to ask.

If I hold open a door for you say thank you. Common Courtesy. Not that fucking Common.

My daughter is in Sparks (first level of girl guides) They are supposed to teach kids how to be polite. My wife who is 8.5 months pregnant was dropping her off one night 2 weeks ago. All the leaders were bringing in boxes of girl guide cookies so my wife politely held open the door for them. Now these are not small doors. It is a church that these meetings are held, so they are the big heavy wooden doors. Out of the 4-5 people bringing in these boxes only 1 person said thank you. One! What the FUCK! Way to show these kids. Way to set a good fucking example. That was no easy task for my wife. Trying to hold my 5 y/o daughter out of the way, hold open a door for like five min's, to not even be acknowledged is detestable. What the FUCK! I told her she should have said something. But do you even think that would have done anything. NO....no it wouldn't. If a person can't acknowledge that someone (who is pregnant no less) held a door for them to make their small pathatic little lives a little easier, Then they just don't give a flying fuck. Oh, they'll say sorry, but they wont learn anything from it. And "Sorry" doesen't cover it.

Sorry, I forgot to do the dishes....
Sorry, I ment to pick that up.....
Sorry, I forgot to say thank you....
Sorry, I'm a compleat asshat that has no respect for anyone or anything and can't show a little gratatude when it's do.

The word sorry has lost its meaning. As my grandmother used to say, "Sorry covers a multiude of sins." Meaning that it is used so much it means almost nothing.

I have the best "Sorry" story ever. I drive a big Ford F350 truck with a 30 foot trailer that is all painted Swiss Aqua (blue/green, ugly I know) Very eye catching hard to miss.
I'm driving up to a red light in the left hand turn lane. Now this is an intersection that has 3 lanes each side with a big concrete barrier in between. Each direction has a right/straight lane, a stright lane, a BIG ASS crosshatched space, then a left hand turn lane, BIG ASS concrete barrier. As i said I am comming up to a red light in the left hand turn lane. Next thing I know there is a stupid ass fuck making a left in my lane. I slam on the breaks and avoid hitting this guy by mear inches. What does this stupid ass FUCK do? Throws up his hands looks at me and asks WTF I'm doing. WTF I'm DOING! You have got to be kidding me. Where the fuck did this stupid ass fuck of a fuck learn to fucking drive. This guy is pissed that I'm in his way. So I yell out my window that he's in the wrong fucking lane. He looks around, took him a few seconds to catch on, but soon realizes his mistake. Oh but wait it gets better. Then the Fucking moron decides to try and drive through on comming traffic to get around the barrier. Like HOLY Shit this guy is gonna kill someone. My favorite part of this whole ordeal is the fact that he couldn't even bother to say he's sorry. Not even a wave. No, he just looked at us all like it was our fault that he's an idiot.

Stupid people need to be shot......

A New Day....Of Stupidity

Well as stated it's a new day. And with every new day the is some sort of new fucked up story that can be related to it. So I figure I will take up your time to talk about all the things in our world that really piss me off.

STUPIDITY

I don't mean stupid moments we all have in our days. We all have brain farts here and there. ie; "My birthday is on the 12th this year!" Fuck (slaps forehead) Yes...Yes I did say that. I ment to say Sat. but in the mists of a brain fart....
I mean the really REALLY Stupid ass people out there. We have all had some contact with theses people. RetardMan at the beer store was a prime example. There are some truly D.U.M. ass people out there (yes that is how I spell dumb, if you can't figure out why, you can join my D.U.M. list). My favorite Form of Stupidity are people that know they are stupid but try to cover it up. You know the ones I mean. They are agreeable people. I once told this guy at work that a friend of mine, whom I said was loaded, Was importing 50 pygmy Elephants.....Yes that's right I said Pygmy Elephants. For $15,000 you could have your very own "little Dumbo". Not only did he believe it, but he backed me up, Not knowing that everyone else on my crew was in on the joke. Started going on about watching this show on how they are making these pygmy elephants for sale to the general public...*cough*BULLSHIT*cough*. Are you fucking kidding me! Are there people that are really this D.U.M. in the world.

Just to be clear, there are pygmy elephants in the world. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pygmy_elephant. Not many of them but they are there. Less then 1000. No way they will be selling them to people to have as pets.

My point is is that he never saw a show about this. But he had to try and look smart and carry on with it. This is only one example of stupid people. I have sooo many I don't even know where to start with a new one.

There are 4 types of people in our little world.
Type 1. Academically intelligent
These are the people that could recite the whole periodic table of elements. Well OK maybe that's a little much but you know what I mean, Book smart people. We all know someone like this. The only problem with these people is that they have no common sense. Ask them to change a tire, fix a door handle....Program a VCR (sorry ladies I had to add that for comedic effect)

Type 2. Street smart
These people can get by on common sense. Change a tire, figure out a how to deal with and everyday life problem...They couldn't tell you the capital of Turkey (Ankara, yeah I looked it up) But for everyday situations these people are on the ball.

Type 3. Both of the above
See 1. and 2.

Type 4. Complete D.U.M.ass
These are the people that need to be shot. See you think I'm joking, I'm not. These are the people that breed like rabbits, creating more and more stupid people (watch the movie Idiocracy, the first 5 Min's explains it all) I think we should have to go through a test at the age of... lets say...21... This would be a general competency test. You don't have to be supper smart or anything just to be able to make it through life without someone holding you hand. (Excluding Truly Challenged people of course, They have been dealt a shitty ass hand through no fault of their own). I know this sounds a little harsh, but that's my view.

Think about it. How many times have you come home and said, " So there was this complete fucking retard..." Now how many time have you said, "There was this super smart guy..." HA I'll bet you the former is WAYYYYY bigger then the latter. See were surrounded by Stupidity.

All you can really do at this point is shake your head.....

2 Hours later

Yeah it been 2 hours and I have to admit....I kinda like this bloging shit. Rant, Rave....Who wouldent like that?

First I should explain the whole JuiceWorld thing. My initials are O.J. Yeah I'v heard all the OJ jokes so calm down. Only one person in pressed me by asking if I went well with vodka. No Wheres the other glove, type shit. (But if you think you have one I havent heard, Please send it to me and I'll let you know if its a new one to me.) I love that guy....I can't remember his name though....Yeah I suck....So anyway after the movie "Jury Duty" everyone started calling me juice. "It's the Juice, run OJ run!" So thats how I got the name Juice. Juice world came from the fact that I was pretty fucked up in high school, (more on that later) So the big joke was that I was living in JuiceWorld. Little devils running around with pitchforks named BoB. I love BoB. I have a Tee shirt with him on it. My wife got PINK pain on it (FUCK) but I'll let her live ( I go by the three strike rule).

Second, I guess I should tell you about myself I am a married man with a child, soon to be children. 3 weeks to go and I will be a daddy again. It had better be a boy. We tried to check the sex but He/She is shy. Fucking kid wont do what He/She is told already. My wife is huge but I got to say, say she has never been sexier. Watching/Feeling the baby move around has got to be the coolest thing ever. She thinks thats she is a giant blob, but really she just has a huge gut. I like to think she has a keg not a 6 pack. Come on who wouldent take a keg over a 6 pack?

I'm a muscle builder That is dumb as fuck and I love sports......OK I wouldent mind being those things, but alas I'm a skinny fuck that loves Video games and Porn. Yeah thats right I admit to liking Porn, Who doesen't? If you don't, you lie. Everyone wants to watch someone get their fuck on with someone else. It's an animal thing. FUCK YOU you lie! Ok call me a pervert, whatever....

I also Love to play Guitar, I like to think I'm as good as Joe Satriani, but I probly suck ass. I can play a few things but when it comes down to it....I NEED to play more.

Movies and Video Games are my real Love. I think I have seen just about every movie ever made. I hate T.V. (save a few shows) I will have a to 10,20,50 movies/games up here eventually but that takes time. we'll see what happens. I have also played tones of Games you name it I have played it. As long as it has been on Computer, Fuck these consoles. Why the fuck would I spend an ass load of money on a console just to spend an ass load of money on games (half of witch(lol yeah i cant spell) Suck ass) when I can have a computer and get them for free. One word Torrents, Learn this word. It is the holy grail of computers.

Thats right I am a Pirate. No, I don't have an eyepatch, that would be cool thought but I like my eyes. I'm kinda attached to them. same for the peg leg. I also hate birds. I can thank my best friend for that one. He remembers that little yellow fucking lovebird my dad owned....OMFG I hated that Fucking thing!!!! Fucking little fuck of a fucking thing tried to make a nest in my fucking desk!

Wow so much to write. I could go on and on, but I'm sure you don't want to hear all about my fucked you childhhood. You want more retard story's. Lol, who doesen't like a good "this fucking retard" story? I'll have more no worries.... The world is FULL of retards.....FULL

My First Blog

Yeah after seeing as how everyone else in the world has started a blog in the hopes that someone in the world want to read about their lives. I have decided to join the band wagon.

First Let me tell you that I have no room in my life for stupid people. Unfortunatly, it seems the world is full of them. I will add to this as I come across these people throughout my day. Couse well... We all like to go on and on about "That retard driver"(yes is said retard, learn to cope) or "The compleat asshat at the store" We all deal with these people at some point in our week, unless of course you are a hemit. In that case the only stupid person you would have to deal with is yourself.

I did have a total retard(that evil word again) in front of me at the beer store this afternoon. This guy had to be in his late 30s, and it was like the fucknut had never bought beer before. When I walked in, he was the only customer in the store. But, I could tell he had been there a while as the guy behind the counter was already annoyed. From the point I jumped in (evesdroped, yeah I'm a dick like that) He wanted to know what the cheapest beer with a silver lable was. So....Umm lets call the guy at the till "Beerman" (my hero) tells him that is most likly Laker. "What sizes do they come in?"
What sizes do they come in? Where the fuck did this guy come from. Ummm 6, 12, 24. Yes some beers have an 18 and with some promos a 15 pack is available. I coulds have understood asking if there was an 18 but come on, not knowing what any of the sizes are. Fucking retard.
Then the guy asks what it tastes like....WTF!!! Taste the fucking shit. What the fuck is wrong with this guy.
"Is it the same price as bud?" Ok so this guy has at least had beer before. So Beerman explains how there are cheap beers and premeium beers.
"Do you have a sample pack?" Retardman asks......Ok I'm starting to lose my cool....
"No", says Beerman. You can tell at this point that beerman is really starting to lose his cool.
"Is the alchol the same as old millwake?" Holy shit! WTF is wrong with this guy. What does he think this place is. I could understand if this was the LCBO, asking questions about wine and such, but this is fucking beer.
At this point there is about 6-7 more people behind me. So beerman nicely asks him to go look at the beer wall and decide what he would like so he can serve the other customers. Retardman says "No"....No ....No...fuck you, fucking fucknut of a fuck....Pick a fucking beer and drink the fucking stuff. Buy a 6, you like it buy more, you don't buy something diffrent. You know Bud and Old Mill get that shit. HOLY FUCK!!!!!
So at this point the manager come out and pulls retardman off to the side to help him out. Myself and the 2 guys behind me start clapping. It was fucking great. I got my beer, a 12 of Carling, Yeah my wife makes me be cheap.
As I was leaving the store Retardman was asking if he could get a Two-Four with 1 of each beer....Fucking Retard....

Oh yeah my spelling sucks ass.....you don't like it don't read it.....